The 4th of July.

I am not really a fan of the 4th of July. Don't get me wrong- I like the concept of the holiday and I LOVE the time off work.

But.

Let me explain.

To me, the 4th of July was such a fun holiday growing up. It embodied the epitome of summer back home. Back home meaning the midwest. It was usually warm, full of friends, family, fireworks, perfect summer food which included the best of all things summer: grilling, watermelon, corn on the cob. I remember many 4ths where we had fun days with friends and family followed by shooting off fireworks of our own (which is allowed in the part of Missouri that I'm from) and then we would all pile in together to go watch a fireworks show close by. It was always such a perfect day followed by dropping dead with exhaustion into bed at night.

In the past few years, the 4th of July has been a little bittersweet for me. I had a couple of friends back in the midwest that got married right around the 4th of July. Such good friends at the time but because of some life changes that happened with me, these friends are no longer such a central part of my life. I look back at those times and feel happy for having shared the memories but sad that I am no longer involved in the groups of people that I was with surrounding the holidays of those years.

Shortly after the wedding that I attended around the 4th in 2006, things in my personal life continued to crumble and I went through a devastating period which I have described in detail on this blog before. Meaning: I won't go there again now. Needless to say, the next 4th I was living in Seattle. I still look back from that period of July 2006 to July 2007 and think HOLY SHIT, it really is true what people say in that things can change DRAMATICALLY from one year to the next. I had no idea it was to that extreme. The extreme as in: I moved to SEATTLE for a guy I didn't even remotely KNOW a year ago. WHAT?!

In July 2007, I was one month in to living in Seattle... and FREEZING. I quickly learned that the 4th of July here was NOTHING like the 4th of July's of my childhood. They are typically cold, if not rainy. I also learned quickly up here that the slogan in Seattle is "summer starts on July 5th." That first 4th in Seattle, I hiked with Tim and then spent the evening with people watching a local fireworks show bundled in blankets and sweaters while he worked. It was perfect in it's own Seattle 4th of July type of way. But, alas, I am not a cold weather person so after that 4th, I have kind of resigned myself to taking it easy if I am in Seattle on the 4th. Fireworks + freezing cold = not my thing, as wimpy as that might seem.

So the past couple of years have been very low key... including this one. I hung around in the neighborhood. I walked the dog. I made dinner. I really did enjoy the day. I contemplated going to a few different parties I had been invited to but opted to stay close to home instead. I thought about how cool the concept of the 4th was...and how lucky I am to be living in this country, despite its many faults. And mostly, I missed home. I missed the feeling of the 4th in the midwest...the definition of the summers of my childhood. I missed my family. I missed it feeling like summer, even if for this one day summer is defined by heat and watermelon and corn on the cob. It's one of the days of the year that I truly miss the midwest, that feeling of summer, the carefree nature of the day, the pure euphoria of feeling that everything is right in the world.

That being said, it's still a great holiday for our country and I truly do feel lucky to be a part of this nation. Hopefully everyone out there had an enjoyable 4th...whether it was low key or high strung or just plain crazy.