Day 24: June 30, 2019

It is the last day of June, and wow, what a month. June 7 (Day 1!) seems so long ago. There is no part of this where it feels like Day 1 was just yesterday. It quite literally feels like a million years ago. The things we have learned, the experiences we have had, the trials we have faced, and even the joy we have shared. It is like a whole year was crammed in to these last 24 days for all of the emotions, experiences, and ups and downs.


There are quite a lot of perplexing things about this whole thing. Obviously, having your kid diagnosed with cancer tops the list, but to add on to that (among many other things), is the reaction we have had by some people to.... well, everything. Or the lack of reaction. Justin and I were talking the other day and we've both observed that some people (clearly, not all) almost treat us as if WE are the people with cancer. Kind of feels like we are being handled with kid gloves. People shy and skirt away and act differently towards us. At first, I think we both thought we were just being ultra sensitive and then we started talking about it and realized, no, we have both noticed this in some people. It's almost like they don't want to talk about it with us, because what if by doing so our bad luck rubs off on them? Or what if cancer is CONTAGIOUS! Wherein you get it JUST BY TALKING ABOUT IT.


Ok, I'm being flippant, but you get the point. In reality, I think people are just uncomfortable. Like I said, prior to this the C word was a fear for me, admittedly. That also said, I don't feel like I really was scared to talk to anyone who had cancer or knew someone who had cancer. I probably didn't know exactly what to say or do, but I don't recall having an adverse reaction to talking about it.


We have had people, even family members, tell us they can't even read the blog because they just don't want to know, and then when they are around us or Oliver, they are clearly uncomfortable and don't have a clue what he (or we) are going through. I know I do a lot of silly rambling in this forum, but ultimately, this was resurrected because it was a place we could direct family and friends to for the mass updates (versus spending 16 hours a day on the phone or mass emails trying to play the elephant game of updating anyone and everyone).  It's almost like these people who don't want to read about how Oliver is doing and his reality right now are either a) self serving pricks (possible) or b) uncomfortable with how everything is in reality and can't face that SOME PEOPLE SUFFER. Believe it or not, the world is not just butterflies and roses, and all things good, all of the time. I know it is often easier to pretend that, but it's not reality.


Even Oliver made the comment the other day to his friend that was over about another friend who shared with him some amount of suffering. He said something to the affect that it's so odd that people just don't share. In reality, we are ALL going to suffer in some amount, at some time. That's life, folks. Clearly, ANY of us would give anything if it was not this situation where it is our kid we are sharing this journey with, but it is. And so, we share. We are sharing our journey not only to update others, but also in the hopes that it will help others. I cannot tell you how many messages I have gotten (and that we have all gotten), Oliver included, sharing some sort of similar journey or heartache and how they just couldn't bear to share it when they were going through it for fear of making others uncomfortable. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! And then went on to say that the power of some of our words (whether via blog or conversation) and our openness about it all, has helped them to heal in some way. It has been surprising how often we have gotten a message such as that.


This is as real as life gets. It sucks. But there is beauty in the pain. Documenting it at times, is painful. Living through it is also painful. But there have been such beautiful moments. The moments where we connect with someone, with each other, the moments where we achieve small victories and can share those as well. Weeks like this past week full of the highest highs in this whole thing- surrounded by friends, family, food, laughs, and NOT being in hospitals. I just can't help but believe that if we, as people, don't embrace ALL of life, including the suffering, we are doing everyone around us a huge disservice. That is why we share, and why we continue to share.

Day 24 started out with a trip to Grandma Bobby's house in Bellevue. She passed in April, and so the family is cleaning out the house, doing an estate sale, etc. There were a few things that we needed to pick up that Oliver wanted, and it made sense to do so prior to starting round 2.

Of course Justin found some toys, too.

I had to take one last picture here of the backyard. I doubt we will go back at all. The house has been sold, and there's probably no reason to revisit. However, even though Justin and I have only been together for 10 years, this place still has sentimental meaning for me. Shoot, we were married in this same spot 8 years ago.

Oliver wanted his grandma's clock for sentimental reasons, and so he was able to pick this up and we will store it at our house for a while.

While we were at grandma's house, I got some pictures of the kids having a blast back in Kansas City at science city. I guess they had a blast and spent two hours there! I did end up changing my flight to Tuesday so that I could spend Monday with Oliver and meeting with his oncologist. It sounds like the kids were a-ok with it. It is only a day!

Yesterday afternoon, Colleen's sisters came over- Jenni (and husband Scott) and Leslie. Fun to meet and get to know so many new people (for me), and I know Oliver is really enjoying all of the company and people who want to come see him. It helps that he is still in a good phase of feeling pretty decent.

Justin and I took advantage of another beautiful day and having no kids/having Oliver in a good place and went on a bike ride. We did the same one as the day prior- which is to say 1800ish feet of climbing, just over 20 miles. I am not quite sure what I was thinking and I was pretty grumpy climbing up the hills yesterday. As I told Justin, my legs were NOT fresh. But, we made it (again!) Justin tells me it is "base miles." Apparently the base of all the riding we are going to do. Cute.

Look at all of the amazing #oliverstrong photos we got yesterday! These are so awesome!

We were all feeling anxious about round 2 starting yesterday and so we asked Oliver how he was feeling. Oliver quote about starting treatment: "We are just going to get in and do what we gotta do." That's the right attitude. Get in, beat it, fuck cancer. #oliverstrong.