This doesn't have much to do with Oliver, other than the whole of how I came to be his stop mom. So, bear with me on the tangent.
I am currently one year older than Justin was 9 years ago at this time. It's sort of mind numbing and a bit bewildering to think about 9 years ago today and what I was doing: pretty mundane day of work with nothing notable, but then I remember a trek to the store after work wherein I bought copious amounts of wine of which I knew nothing about to try to impress a cute guy who was coming over to play tennis with me. I was going through a little bit (downplaying) of a divorce from a sort of (downplaying) rash decision about marriage #2, of which lasted about 1.5 years. Whoopsie. I don't regret anything about either of my first two marriages, but I can just say that I was young. Also: I tell anyone I know now to not consider marriage until after you are 30....
I got married the first time because it was what you did back then in the Midwest: go to college, meet boyfriend, get married. And that turns in to the rest of your life: move across country with the guy, build a house with the guy (all check), and then the contemplation of the REST of your life comes. The NOW WHAT part. The building a house was exciting, we did what we were "supposed" to do by getting married, but now what? You want to have kids and live like this forever? He was a great friend, but there was no passion. No zest for our life or our relationship. So turns out marriage in that scenario is pretty dumb when you have no connection, other than a friendship, to that person. I am fairly sure that WAYYY back when I blogged about that whole thing. Very hard to lose so many people and such a large part of your life in your formative years at the ripe old age of 24, only because you know that if you don't walk away, your soul will be completely void for the rest of your life. You will have everything you ever WANTED in terms of material stuff, good life, etc., but you will have no connection to your partner. And even at 24, you know innately: that is no kind of life to live. The scariest thing was to walk away from the comfort, but somehow (and I still am baffled by how), I had the balls to do so. I was wise enough at 24 to call it, but not without a LOT of heartache surrounding loss of life as I knew it back then, and many people turning their back on me (why would you dump the "perfect" husband and leave the "perfect" relationship? Maybe because friendships don't make marriages? And there's no such thing as "perfect?")?
And the 2nd marriage was more or less a way to get out of Phoenix and away from the first situation....hello Seattle! It was a very confusing time in my life, and at an opportunity that was presented in a slightly romantic way (remember: passing out in Seattle and then dating my paramedic? Yeah, that guy), I bolted from Phoenix, which is what I needed at the time. I was stuck in Phoenix under the roof of my ex-husband because we still had a massive mortgage from the house we built, smart kids that we were! Both were good guys in their own way- just not right for me, and both were experiences to learn and grow from. There are no regrets. And thank god no kids, either!
9 years ago (ISH) as I was going through realizing that the 2nd marriage might not be long lasting, I was looking to move back to California or Arizona, since I really had no reason to stay in Seattle. I applied for jobs down south, and was telling my trainer about this one day. The trainer: a new thing I was trying for the past several months in an overall revamp to try to get healthier. I was 105 pounds of skinny fat, and my life was a mess, so it seemed a good idea.
This trainer and I were both going through some pretty gnarly relationship stuff and so had shared some of that together the past few months, and had become friends during our sessions. Friends enough that we were trying to set each other up with our friends. When I told him that I was thinking of moving, I was sitting on a leg extension machine and he said two words that likely changed the course of our lives: "Don't go." Followed by: "I'm just getting to know you."
A few weeks later, we decided to go play tennis. Enter: July 16. It was totally platonic. I SWEAR. Just a game of tennis between two buds. Except for when he came over, the first thing he did was say: "we need to do something first." And leaned over to kiss me.
And it was TERRIBLE. Seriously god awful, hands down the WORST kiss I have ever experienced.
We both figured we had screwed up our friendship, and I had the fleeting thought of ok, I am DEFINITELY moving now because WOW, how embarrassing.... until he said, "let's try that again." And the second one ignited a whole world of possibilities. Leading to: the next 9 years of being in a relationship, marriage, ingraining me in to life with two teenage boys, two little boys of our own, countless trips, and laughs and memories, and now facing some of the hardest stuff that we have ever faced--alone AND together.
It's hard to believe that such a brilliant, miraculous and exuberant 9 years exploded out of that one little kiss.
It's a true love story, and it's ours. While our circumstances are less than ideal right now, this has served to bring us closer together. Which is, I suppose, how these things go. They either bring you together or tear you apart. Based on the last 9 years, I cannot even comprehend how the next 9 will go, only to say that I am glad I get to spend them with that cute trainer. Together, as evidenced this past 40 days, and the past 9 years, we can conquer anything.
Now go barf. That was enough mushy stuff for a year.
Day 40. FORTY! 4-0! This seems significant. Even better, is that there is really nothing notable on the cancer front to report. Only one spike in temp today to 100.6 and then it came right back down. Other than that, he was feeling a consistent 5, which is great!
Below: Bennett saying his collarbone hurt a little bit (showing us how much with his fingers).
Lunch time for the crazy boys! Plus, Erin the bear.
After lunch the crew headed to Seattle to goodwill. Justin LOVES bargain shopping and now the kids do too. Colleen also tagged along so Oliver and I were at home- him resting, me working. I was only a TEENY bit apprehensive after what happened the day prior, but he was feeling much better yesterday so it was pretty non-eventful.
I love the photo bomb in the upper right- ha!
Don't worry, Bennett fit right in with downtown Seattle in his current attire. Looking like we picked him up on the side of the road or came straight from the hospital. (I say that in love and think he's adorable).
Bennett got some super cool train at goodwill. He was SO excited about setting this up. So cute. Perhaps a consolation for injury. I just roll my eyes at what they bring home from their goodwill excursions....
Shot of Oliver G and his comfy spot for the day!
Crazy little man was feeling better today. This morning was a little rough going with some collarbone pain.
Hanging out with these guys this evening. So nice to have these times where Oliver is feeling better. On the down slide of round 2. Thank GOODNESS.
A shot of the flowers that Justin bought for me... thank you to facebook for the memory of July 16, otherwise we would both forget. Ha!
Seems to be our motto right now... REST LATER. Seems to be the one thing we are not getting a whole lot of right now. But then again, with our personalities, we kind of are ok with that.
Little evening walk with Oliver. Good to see him up and moving again.
He also had a little weed and so was munchie but couldn't decide on what sounded good. So, off to the store they went for a 9pm run of munchies. Again, love this week where we can just relax for a minute.
Another #oliverstrong shot. Loving these coming through. Loving the memories of today. Loving that in 9 years from now, we are going to look back again and think. Damn. Look at what we've overcome. Look at where we are. And look at where we are going.
No comments:
Post a Comment