Jenn: Day 37: July 13, 2019

I've always had some weird superstition about the number 7 and 13 and so always get a little bit weirded out on Friday the 13th's OR especially on July 13 (7/13). I don't know why or how this started- maybe I'm weird (probably), or maybe I just live in a numbers world and get a little bit fanatical about numbers (likely). To add on to the 6 million things that we have learned in this journey, I've learned that superstition is actually kind of a crock. Because WHAT DO YOU KNOW, bad things don't always happen just because it is the 7th or 13th or July 13th... or any other sort of rendition of those numbers. THEY JUST HAPPEN. It's like you kind of always know it is sort of futile to be superstitious about that kind of stuff, but you still get a little weirded out by it. After all this, again, you get slapped back in to reality quickly and realize that wasted effort on being weirded out by certain things your mind tells you should be "bad" was really a waste of time. Bad stuff happens and good stuff happens and without regard to any sort of number or non-number, or whatever the case.

So I suppose what follows that is that July 13 was really a non-issue. Despite the 7 AND 13. Weird, I know.

That said, it's an interesting place to be right now. This gray, in-between area. We are starting to see Oliver recover and "come back to life" as we say. He clearly feels it too, as he's feeling better- enough so that he is reading texts, talking on the phone some, playing video games, and not just wanting to stay completely still so as not to puke. He's started to pull back on meds. Get out a bit. Go for walks. It is expected at this point as we have a week break between the last chemo and the next one, and it's a longer period of recovery days for the last 2 weeks of the cycle versus the first brutal week of 40 hours straight of chemo. But, all of that said, it's a weird place to be. For us as his caregivers, and for him.

He wants to get back to life. Get back to what he was doing prior to chemo. Get on with it. Probably ditch his parents for a day at least (ha!) We are still stuck in hyper vigilant caring for him phase, knowing that at any moment, things are still fragile enough for a switch to flip and him to land flat on his back in the hospital. So, he probably feels like we are still hovering a bit. But on the contrast, we also see him starting to feel better, so we start to feel a pull to push him as parents. Get your own drinks. Email school. Figure out fall quarter. Go for walks. Figure out how your diet is going to change after this, and you should probably think about exercise too. Think about your career- you're about to graduate- what job are you going to get? Mail in your medical info. And on and on. To the point where he probably wants to punch us.

IT'S SO WEIRD. Because he's still sick. He has no hair. His body is by all accounts, completely wrecked. He still has one full cycle left and about 10 days of round 2. We are still mostly around him for the just in case, and helping each other tag team. But, we are in this coddle/caregiving phase contrasted by seeing maybe some semblance of some light so let's move on to the REST OF YOUR LIFE phase. It's hard to maintain a balance in this gray area. It's been a glimpse of the LIFE AFTER CHEMO and it is intriguing to think about how that is all going to work. And I think at some point, we all have to remind each other, that we are still fighting right now. Until we get those clear scans after round three (FINGERS CROSSED), we really are in a flux of we don't really KNOW. I think as humans, it's hard to stay in the present and not think about what comes next. We are trying, but I think all of us have a tough time with that on these days where things seem by all accounts, moderately normal.

Starting off day 37 (!!) with cards with the boys, and Oliver felt well enough to work on his watches.

I had a few errands to run yesterday, and Oliver/Colleen went to lunch (no photos!), and Justin and the boys also ran a few errands. We kind of went our separate ways there for a bit. We reconvened late afternoon for THE SHOT. The last one of this round. Back to the right side of Oliver's tummy, and for some reason he flinches on that side (maybe because he's a lefty?)

We promised the kids we would take them to the neighbors to play yesterday afternoon again, so we went over there after shot time.

Justin has a bunch of wood he picked up yesterday- sort of living the lumberjack life and getting ready for winter (?) and so decided to sharpen his ax. Photos courtesy of Oliver himself, and he was able to capture my face pretty pricelessly.

Summer nights and bike riding. Bennett decided he wanted to try to ride Owen's old big boy bike yesterday (complete with gears!) He is SUCH a stubborn kid. Totally rode it and started jumping with it too, despite it being slightly too big. We are in trouble with that kid!

Justin starting in on the wood rounds he picked up. I think he just likes to pretend he's a lumberjack, so rounds are preferred so he can chop them up. Probably some form of aggression release or something. (I don't mean that in a bad way).

Colleen came out, too and took pictures of the kids jumping. Probably no less than 800 pictures, per the boys' request. Ha!

Back inside for the evening, Oliver was watching a movie and the kids were snacking after bike riding.

Again, pretty low key day, which are good days. Much better than the high adrenaline WHAT IS GOING ON type of days where we land in the hospital. Or the chemo days where everyone is exhausted and Oliver feels like total crap.

More #oliverstrong photos!