We expect certain basic things in life, because we live in a time and place where those expectations are continually met, so we have no reason to expect otherwise:
-We expect to not be shot at in our homes and to remain safe from harm
-We expect clean running water to drink, and to clean with
-We expect to not be hungry and have our food needs met
-We expect to be warm and comfortable in our lives, and for the power to turn on when we wake up in the morning
-We expect to have a job in which we make money that affords us a home, food, water, and our basic needs.
-We generally have expectations of our health and that the people we love in our life will be there day in and day out.
I have been thinking about this and so I looked up the definition of expectations online. Expectations are defined as: 1) A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future 2) A belief that someone will or should achieve something.
I think there is a fine line in having expectations. If you have too many, you might be disappointed. Meaning, you expect certain things out of people who either promise you something or say they will do something, and you'll be disappointed if whatever they say doesn't happen. Or if you expect too much out of yourself, and then you are let down when you don't quite get there. But, again, they are sort of an inherent part of our life and even if we say we don't have any, we DO. The most basic ones being the prime example.
The reason this word has been weighing on me is that we have built up expectations in this whole process. And doing so has had both benefits and detriments. First example: in the round 1 recovery period, Oliver felt like a 2 across the board for that whole week. Basically almost 100%. We had visitors almost every day, he walked the loop around our neighborhood, and he generally felt like normal. This round's recovery? He didn't really ever feel better than a 5, we had no visitors because he just didn't feel up to it, and he barely made it down the street a couple of times when we basically made him go walk. His expectation was set, after last time, that he would recover and feel like a 2. When that expectation wasn't met, what we saw was a bit of feeling WORSE because his expectation was he should feel like a 2. What if we had set the expectation of, hey, you might only feel like a 7 in the recovery. Then feeling like a 5 would be awesome! But since the bar was set so high last time, mentally I think he struggled this recovery period, which made the 5 feel even worse.
Similarly, I think we all have expectations going in to round 3. We expect it to follow the patterns of round 1 and 2. However, that said, I think we are all a little bit more apprehensive. Round 1 we were nervous because we had no clue what to expect. Round 2 we felt, we've got this! And then after round 2 and the difficulties/generally feeling like crap-ness we experienced via Oliver, our expectation for round 3 is: UGH. Here we go again. Almost a feeling of dread.
Again, like I said, expectations are kind of a funny thing, and sometimes can be dangerous. If our expectation is UGH, we probably won't be disappointed. It could be about as bad as we are anticipating. But what if it's worse? Then our expectation is going to harm us. But, that said, try NOT having them.
We are all human so we set up these expectations in our head every day, whether we intend to or not. Even if we try to tame them and set the bar at different points, we still have them at some level. In the cancer/chemo world, it is even harder to deal with these because you just NEVER KNOW at what level or where you will end on the expectation spectrum. In general, the expectation of having basic needs every day is always met. However, expectations in the chemo/cancer world? Despite our best efforts they are generally never quite where you think they will be. We all try to get to a "general" expectation, but you just never know what you are going to be handed.
As we go in to round 3, we are trying to prepare Oliver the best we can, to set expectations, so that mentally he stays sound, but this is hard. And again, it can be dangerous. If we say, hey Oliver you should feel a 5.... and then he's an 8-- it's tough mentally. We have found that much of this process, IS mental. I think the only thing we can try to convey is that despite how bad he feels physically, it's a mind over matter type of thing. Short lived. Your mind is stronger than your body. This will be short lived. And you can combat anything. Easier than it sounds.
With that.... day 45. Last day of recovery before Round 3.
Pretty lazy (hot) Sunday. Owen had a friend over for a play date, so Justin and I were tag teaming chasing crazy kids around.
Again, Oliver was about a 5-6 yesterday, but after a few hours of being awake, he felt like eating. Yes! Always happy when he eats.
The kids went swimming twice yesterday at the neighbors. It was about 90 degrees here yesterday so we were loving it! That said, how many weeks until school starts? Ha.
Later in the day: fun with Colleen and snap chat filters!
This was during grilling out, and Justin got in on the fun. This picture is both hilarious and disturbing.
Oliver had his spot staked out for the day. Pretty low key day of relaxing for him. Felt pretty crappy for most of it, which sucks for him, and us. It is hard when you can take the edge off, but you can't totally take it away.
We did, however, manage to get him out on a short walk down the street after dinner.
Before bed, strategizing about plans for tomorrow and discussing round 3.
With that, we are off to ROUND THREE. Thank you to everyone who continues to help us out- to send us tangible things, to bring food, to send us well wishes of love and support. To go back to that expectation word: we had ZERO expectation about any of that, and it has been nothing short of humbling. It is incredible to continue to feel so loved and supported even after 45 days of this. Onward and upward. #oliverstrong
No comments:
Post a Comment