Or, the more official definition by the mayo clinic: "Chemo brain is a common term used by cancer survivors to describe thinking and memory problems that can occur during and after cancer treatment. Chemo brain can also be called chemo fog, cancer-related cognitive impairment or cognitive dysfunction.Though chemo brain is a widely used term, the causes of concentration and memory problems aren't well-understood. It's likely that there are multiple causes."
Yeah. So. That.
We have definitely noticed some signs of brain fog in Oliver. Questions that don't make total sense, texts that don't make total sense, memory not totally all there (in fact! We were even able to trick him in to eating two dinners today because he had forgotten he had eaten the first one...true story- ha!) All of that to say: totally normal. Could be true chemo brain or could be a mix of the drugs he's on, or could be both. We are not alarmed by it and if it serves to help us trick him in to eating more, perfect.
HOWEVER.
Did you know that this also appears to cross the bridge to providers as well? I haven't talked to Justin and Colleen about this specifically because I forgot (Look! Case in point!), but have been thinking about it. I'm not sure if it's just the effects of being so focused on something that you forget minor details, or the passage of time that makes days kind of all glob together, or worrying about the bigger picture things. But MAN. I have been doing some questionable things that make me pause and think, ok wow- this completely feels like pregnancy brain all over again. Also: wow. Just said wow twice. Again: case in point. I think it's kind of like PTSD or something, and I have a feeling all of us are feeling it to some degree, and I also think it's likely normal. One example: I keep thinking to myself, gosh it's going to be great weather for the 4th of July. Have actually said that to a couple of people, and have gotten weird looks. OH YEAH. Whoopsie. Already in almost late July. PASSED THAT A WHILE AGO. Or: I need to reach out to so and so, only to realize: already done. Or oops, I said I would reach out to so and so and never did. Whoops. Repeating myself with something that I've already said (and have noticed we are all doing this). Doing things you don't really remember doing (IE: I have gotten a couple of emails at work thanking me for something I had done/said- vaguely remember doing things but not specifically. Funny enough, I sit there and think, wow, that was pretty good Jenn... nice work. HA!)
The things that you didn't realize would happen.
I truly believe we are just so focused on treatment and Oliver's care, that it's hard to sort out the minute details from the BIG STUFF. IE: Making sure Oliver is ok. Living in the minutes of: making sure his nausea and fever are under control. Making sure he eats. Making sure he has meds. Making sure we are generally ok...food, a little sleep. Making sure the kids are ok. Trying to stay on top of work. Paying bills enough so that you are sort of on top of things that you need in terms of making sure that the power still comes on.... Everything else is kind of peripheral. You sort of notice is, but it's almost like you don't have the brain space to deal with it, so it just doesn't register. It's really quite an odd phenomenon.
All of that to say: another crazy experience in this whole cancer/chemo process that I don't think any of us expected. We are hoping the fog lifts as we near the end of this treatment process. For Oliver, the impacts can last longer as a true side effect from chemo, but hoping because he is young, it won't be so bad.
Day 2, round 3. Oliver woke up feeling a 5, which is pretty good! The first couple of days of a cycle are generally ok-ish. We have all decided that TYPICALLY days 4-7 are the worst. Not sure why, really, but likely due to the build up of chemo.
There was a lot of trouble yesterday getting Oliver's IV in. It took 3 times and 2 different nurses. Sounded like his veins kept collapsing. Poor guy. Probably a result of being poked quite a bit as well as a bit of dehydration. Makes it seem like the PIC would have been a good idea when the IV doesn't go well, but at this point, kind of irrelevant. We are way past that!
After a little snooze, Oliver woke up to eat. Glad that he is still eating this round. We were a little worried about him keeping that up a few days ago.
We also had our favorite nurse Casey! It was probably our last day with her, sadly, as she goes on vacation and then doesn't have any days on when we are back for infusions.
Back at home, Justin had gone in to work in the morning and headed home around 9:30am. I was with the kids and we were debating our plans for the day. Without anyone to really watch the kids, it's kind of on us to juggle (I mean, obviously). And it's not like we can really take them down to Seattle for the duration of the treatment. That would be catastrophic. And loud. Like Justin worked yesterday morning, I also really needed to get some work done. While I'm staying on top of it, like I said, there is a slow avalanche coming my way and I want to get in front of that so I'm not totally pummeled (typical of this time of year, so not a result of being out for Oliver's treatment). I decided I would stay back to work today- while I can work in the hospital, it's just not as productive and in the first few days of the cycle where Oliver is mostly sleeping and comfortable, it made sense to not go there and to stick around here to help Justin juggle the littles, if needed. Justin was then going to take the kids to the hospital for a while, but then by that time it was early afternoon and they only had a few hours left at the hospital anyway, so he elected to just stay back as well. I think we both felt weird not being there, but also know we are doing the best we can to juggle everything. Too bad there is not a way to clone ourselves sometimes!
Colleen had left a note for the little boys, which Owen read himself. A couple of parts, he said "What the?!" Ha!
Justin is also building a new mailbox for our group of neighbors and to keep the kids out of the house so I could power through work, he enlisted the kids as help to stain the wood. Win and win!
He also hooked up a trailer to Owen's bike, which was another dual win! Bennett got to ride along with Owen, and Owen got some serious exercise. Literally they did this for AT LEAST four hours. Hilarious!
Back in Seattle, Oliver was eating again and winding down treatment. The crew was done at about 4pm which is SO much nicer than the day before time of 9pm. He mostly sleeps all day during infusions, except for one day last round when he was awake the whole day (day 5). I guess at one point he managed to log in to his phone, get to Instagram, and scroll through Instagram all with his eyes closed. Now that, my friends, is talent.
Back at home crashing on the couch after dinner #1 that he ate with all of us. He also had a spike in fever last night to just over 100 degrees. It started to come down gradually over an hour or so- crisis averted.
A shot of Owen right before bed talking to big brother Bailey and filling him in on how everything is going up here. Super cute.
With that, we wrap up day 2 of round 3. We got probably the most gorgeous #oliverstrong photos we have gotten to date- straight from some of my family who are on an Alaskan cruise (and are close to my Juneau friends!)
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