The observation in the little kids is that Bennett is mostly still too young, or possibly just doesn't really care (not because he is a jerk, but he just doesn't get it). Owen, however, is a different story. From the get go, he was concerned because we told him Oliver was really sick. He initially didn't want Oliver to come live with us because he was worried he would also get sick, or all of us would get sick from Oliver. That morphed in to discussions about how it was something none of us could get FROM Oliver, and just something wrong with his cells. It seems almost like he has spent the past 41 days processing all of this. I'm not sure that he's QUITE there, but he has started to drop words like chemo, cancer, and cancer cells in to everyday conversations so I think that in some part of his brain he is wrapping his head around it.
I don't think that he understands the full scope of what this is, other than we treat it with chemo, he likes to go to the hospital (even if only for the apple juice), Oliver will be better after chemo, and Oliver has lost his hair (and a ball- which, to the little kids, is "so cool.") It is one of those things- heartbreaking a bit- that when all of this began we didn't quite prepare for. All of us grown ups know what cancer is and can educate ourselves on this whole process (even though we are all clearly learning as well). But no one teaches you how to handle it with the little guys! When initially we said, hey guys, Oliver has cancer and some things are going to change for a little bit....they looked at us blankly like, oh hey, you speak Japanese?
Their world has been totally flipped as well, and they don't even get WHY, really. It is going to be interesting to talk to them as adults to see retroactively how this whole experience was in their heads. We think we are doing things right and handling it correctly. And, honestly, it FEELS healthy the ways in which we are seeing them process it all. In addition, we think the good parts of this experience are enhancing anything that is not so good in terms of: we are all around more for them, they have even more people in their lives (in terms of Colleen, seeing Oliver more, seeing Bailey more).
But goodness, to add to the list of Things In Which We Did Not Expect. How to handle cancer with children when their brother gets sick.... Not in any of the parenting guides we read when the kids were babies!
Day 41. Another pretty uneventful day in the recovery period before starting round 3. Oliver was at a pretty consistent 5-6. Not as good as last round during this time period when he was at about a 2, but better than a 7 or 8. I actually went in to work this morning, which was so nice! Felt good to get back in to the office and out at client's for a change. I've obviously been working but a large percent of that has been remote. It's been so nice to have that flexibility to be around for my family in an obvious time where that is needed, but being in the office and at clients was so nice for a change. While I was there I got these pictures from back home:
Hand socks courtesy of Colleen. Kids thought they were so cool!
I got home early afternoon to the crew hanging out. Pretty low key day at home.
We also had some visitors from some friends who brought the boys (Oliver and Bennett) some toys for the family to build (legos!) Below are pictures of Bennett showing them his helmet from his wreck.
And then the lego-building party began!
Around 3pm, Colleen and Oliver actually took off to head back to Wenatchee for a couple of days. While Oliver is in this "recovery" period, it seemed like a good idea for a change of scenery and to go see some people from the other side of the mountains. So, it was just the four of us at home, which felt... weird, and strangely quiet (also weird since it's not like Colleen or Oliver are the loud ones!)
Colleen sent me the following pictures from Wenatchee last night. They made it safe and sound, and had a brief couple of hours where Oliver felt like holy hell. But after some marijuana and meds, he turned a corner!
Colleen also sent me a poem she found at her house that was by a local artist, that she had forgotten about. Given what's been happening with Oliver this summer, it seemed totally crazy to me that she had saved this poem/liked it even before all of this. Because the picture won't likely show up well in this blog, I am going to just write it here:
Author: Raymond Carver, Title: What the Doctor Said
He said it doesn't look good
he said it looks bad in fact real bad
he said I counted thirty-two of them on one lung before
I quit counting them
I said I'm glad I wouldn't want to know
about any more being there than that
he said are you a religious man do you kneel down
in forest groves and let yourself ask for help
when you come to a waterfall
mist blowing against your face and arms
do you stop and ask for understanding at those moments
I said not yet but I intend to start today
he said I'm real sorry he said
I wish I had some other kind of news to give you
I said Amen and he said something else
I didn't catch and not knowing what else to do
and not wanting him to have to repeat it
and me to have to fully digest it
I just looked at him
for a minute and he looked back it was then
I jumped up and shook hands with this man who'd just given me
something no one else on earth has ever given me
I may have even thanked him habit being so strong.
#oliverstrong
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