Reason #876 why I don't have kids: Guilt

For any of you who've somewhat read some of my posts, you probably have heard me make comments of why I don't have kids. FYI, someday we will probably have kids and I think I do want them. I just have to convince myself that I won't be a terrible mom. In no way, shape, or form am I even remotely ready now. Check back in a few years.

I am a cat mom though to two beautiful cats. One, named Emerson, who right now in her anesthesia induced state is probably dreaming of what she will do to me when she wakes up. She is probably dreaming of running around like a mad woman, rip roaring through the house, knocking things down, getting behind the dryer, washer, and refridgerator. Then she will proceed to poop on the floor and end it by scratching up our couches... (what she doesn't realize yet is that when she hits the scratching point she will realize that she does not have means to do any damage anymore so she will hate me even more).

I felt so terrible this morning. I really love my cats and I think that sometimes Tim thinks I love them more than him (I don't, by the way). It was so sad this morning because Emerson was so hungry and I couldn't feed her. Then I completely disrupted her routine by putting her in her little carrying case that she HATES (after the 20 hr. trip out here) and took her to a foreign place. She was shaking and crying so much and she was looking at me like "How can you do this to me?" It really did break my heart because she was mad about all this stuff but she will be even more upset when she wakes up in pain.

I do feel a little better because the animal hospital we took her to is the nicest vet's office I've ever seen in my life. In her exam room, there was a black leather couch, a TV in a cherry wood entertainment system, a fountain, and cherry wood bookshelves. Nicer than any doctor I've ever been to. And the doctor gave me a tour of the hospital (very clean and nice) and showed me where she would recover in her little heated space. Very cush..especially for animals. And she is having laser surgery so it will be much better and TONS less painful for her (even though there is still pain...I wish there wasn't any!) But still, I feel awful. I can't handle being at the root of what she will view as something bad although I know that is actually is something that does need to be done... so, this is why I don't have kids. I couldn't handle even seeing them scream and cry when they have shots. I've been sad all morning about Emerson even though I know I am doing the right thing and I know she will be fine... Berkeley is a living testament to that fact.