GO TO THE DENTIST!

Even if it's the last thing you ever want to do, go to the dumb dentist! I had not been to the dentist since November 2003 when I went in April of 2005 to one of my clients in Des Moines. I had found a giant hole in one of my teeth a few nights before I went. It didn't hurt but it was big enough to stick my tongue in. I did not have dental insurance because up until this point in my life, I had ZERO cavities. I didn't even know if this hole in my tooth was a cavity. Does anyone want to take a guess at how many cavities I had? 11! And two fillings were days away from being root canals (the first one-the giant crater- he actually told me that he would have to do a root canal on. The second one was so close that he saw my bloodstream. I should have bet on something on those days, that's how lucky I was).

I have always taken good care of my teeth. I brush twice a day and floss. And I don't eat candy! And I chew sugarless gum. And I don't drink any coffee or much soda (just the occasional half a can to feel the bubbles!) So I was absolutely mortified and shocked to find out my teeth were going to crap. Part of it was due to the fact that I didn't go to the dentist for a checkup and cleaning for over a year. Another part is due to the fact that when I was little my dentist put a sealant on my teeth which had been slowly chipping away and as a result a significant amount of decay was underneath (so, more advice: don't get sealants or put them on your kids). Another part is due to the fact that my mom relentlessly told me to get dental insurance but since I had never gotten a cavity, I didn't see a need to pay $1200.00 a year for it. So, I was cursed because she told me I should have insurance but I didn't.

So, I have paid for all of my dental work out of pocket. I have already paid about $500 and today I got such a nice piece of mail from my lovely dentist: an invoice in the amount of $1,100.00. And I also had to buy special fluordie toothpaste and a prescription of amoxcillian. I had to take 2000mg of amoxicillan before every appointment because I have a heart murmur. Taking FOUR horse pills and then an hour later spending two hours in the dumb dentists chair with rubber damns (yes they are really called that) and pliers sticking out of your mouth IS NOT MY IDEA OF FUN. And it is not fun either to barely be able to talk because your freaking mouth hurts so bad when the torture is over. And you can't feel your face. Or your tongue. Or your lip. Or your ears. But the four teeth you had filled are throbbing. You may be thinking I am sounding like a complaining wimp but you hold your mouth open wider than it wants to go for two hours at a time, 3 times in a week and proceed to do things to your teeth that involves tearing them apart and putting them back together. THEN come and talk to me. So, screw all dentists and screw teeth too. They all suck. BUT YOU BETTER GO. Because you will hate your dentist a whole lot more if you don't go than if you go. Trust me. I learned from experience.

As a sidenote: It is amazing what dentists can do now. I was worried I would have an icky mouth full of metal. But no sir, I had 'cosmetic' fillings, meaning they are all white. You can't even tell I have fillings. It is amazing. My dentist actually told me that he thinks of it as artwork and that before he became a dentist he dabbled in art. He must have thought I really cared. Getting white fillings is NOT WORTH getting a cavity.