A swipe, er, mutilation of the cervix.

So. I'm not even really sure what to say or where to start.

Oh, I know: for anyone that doesn't care for too much information, stop reading now.

The story: Remember in this post when I said that the gynecologist had called me to see why I hadn't scheduled a colposcopy because my annual pap smear came back abnormal? Right. So, I call in to schedule this stupid colposcopy which NO ONE TOLD ME I NEEDED FOR THREE MONTHS (first annoyance) and which I then found out I needed when I was having wine with a girlfriend in Kansas City. I guess, truthfully, if you have to be thoroughly annoyed, that's probably one of the best possible situations. HOWEVER. Being made to feel like you have cancer in that situation? Kind of ruins the girls wine night mood...at least until more of the bottle is consumed.

Anyhow, after that, I called to make an appointment the next day to schedule this. Basically a colposcopy is a procedure to take a closer look at the cervix and the abnormal cells. They tell me they can't get me in for 5-6 weeks (second annoyance). Ok, you make someone feel like they could potentially have cervical cancer and then the next day proceed to NOT get them into the doctor. Are you kidding me? So they backtrack and tell me that it's fairly common for these things to come back abnormal. Right. Well, THAT wasn't the initial impression I got. THANKS.

So 5-6 weeks later? On October 15? I'm in the damn waiting room freaking out just slightly about this procedure I'm about to have. Of COURSE I wait for about 10 years before I get in to a room (third annoyance) and THEN?! THEN?! They take me back to The Room, which is the Special Room for this procedure. They tell me it will only be 5 minutes until the doctor gets in to me. In the meantime, they've left reading material for me on the chair/bed/whatever the hell form of torture this thing is called that I have to sit my ass to WAIT MORE. And not only is this uncomfortable as I'm surrounded by the foot straddles, it's also about negative forty degrees in this room (fourth annoyance).

Oh, and let's just talk about this "reading material."

It's a pamphlet called "Surviving and Understanding Cancer" and the various stages of cervical cancer and how to treat them and all about what they look like and the various courses cervical cancer runs.

GREAT.

So basically what these assholes are telling me as I'm alone and wrapped in some paper skirt shit with no pants on and freezing my ass off is that I'm also dying of cancer. I mean, how much more direct can you get with 10 pages of reading ON CANCER when you're there for abnormal cells that are supposedly "common"? So I'm completely freaking out. Feeling nauseous. Thinking of how to tell my family. Trying to decide how the hell this would happen. I've been totally careful, I take care of myself, is it just a fluke thing? Will I have to go through chemo? Oh wait, refer to pamphlet, chemo is totally dependent on the stage of the cells. Right. Ok, well we'll wait to figure out how bad it is. But my god, it HAS to be bad because, oh shit, they gave me ALL of this reading material. WHY didn't they elude to how bad it was before? I could have gone to another doctor. 4 months is a long time in terms of the grow of cancerous cells right? The stupid booklet doesn't say anything about this. Fuck fuck fuck. And what about Justin? And my job. And my family. And everyone and thing that I love so goddamn much. And ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Fuckfuckfuck.

Was seriously freaking out. Crying. Getting completely worked up. And then calming myself down: you will be ok, you are strong, you have done everything right, you have been through some bad shit, you have a great support network, you will be ok you will be ok you will be ok.

I WENT THROUGH A FORM OF THIS HELL FOR 40 GODDAMN MINUTES. Apparently someone was in labor and that demanded more of the doctor's attention than the fact that I'm practically planning my funeral.

40 minutes in that state, wrapped in a paper skirt, freezing, alone, and basically scared shitless with a what to do when you have terminal cancer booklet versus a casual 5 minute wait? (fifth annoyance).

So the doctor comes in.

I'm shaking.

Just tell me what the news is.

I spread eagle in the stirrups, she comments on how cold/shaky I am (NO SHIT SHERLOCK, wouldn't you be?), and takes a peek with the colposcopy microscope. Her first words: I don't even see any abnormal cells.

Excuse me, what the FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?

No abnormal cells.

Again? Blink. What?

Her response? Pap smears can often times come back abnormal but there is no abnormality. Huh. WELL MAYBE NEXT TIME SKIP THE CANCER PAMPHLET? Just a thought.

So then, she keeps poking around and sees a couple of cells that she says look "funny." Ok, so maybe the whole cancer reading was right and the cells were just hiding. Commence shaking. She decides to take a biopsy of them to make sure. Fine.

She takes two biopsy's. THAT, by the way, HURT LIKE BLOODY HELL. Like the worst cramps EVER and she was yanking the absolute HELL out of my cervix to get the chunk out. I'm pretty sure I heard it tear. Um, OWWWW. And then tells me: I think these are nothing.

Seriously. Not only do I go through this massive freakout but then you tear out my cervix to tell me they are nothing? SERIOUSLY?

Oook. Better to be safe than sorry? I have no idea at this point, I'm just so overwhelmed and have WAY too many emotions going on, not to mention, a throbbing uterus and cervix.

Fast forward. Turns out? Biopsy results? Absolutely no issue at all. No abnormal cells, no dysplasia (a fancy word for abnormal cells)...must have just been a fluke reading.

BIGGEST ANNOYANCE YET.

You mean to tell me that I freaked the fuck out for a good portion of my day, lost two chunks of my cervix, had cramps as a result for the remainder of the day, paid $200 for this stupid procedure only to know that I am 100% healthy with absolutely nothing wrong and there was NO ISSUE TO START, instead the issue was the fact that your screening was faulty but then you decided you could bill me more for additional procedures, just to eventually tell me what you already probably knew from the start: there was nothing wrong?

You have got to be freaking kidding me. This kind of thing just annoys the hell out of me. Waste of time, waste of money, waste of a small fraction of my sanity when I was beyond scared. I guess on the positive side, at least I know that everything is ok. But it is still all very annoying. And a prime example of some of the biggest issues in western medicine.

Deep breath.

The twice monthly drive.

Every two weeks, we get the pleasure of heading into the mountains. Not only is this a beautiful drive but at the end, we get two pretty incredible boys to spend the weekend with. On this friday, the fall colors were out in full glory. It was amazing. Of course, I started taking pictures after we'd picked up the boys so the sun was starting to set. Beautiful sunset as well and the perfect prelude to what will probably become a very snowy and wintery drive in a very short amount of time.

A fresh start.

Today was a sad, sad day on many fronts and in many regards but in many ways it was also the start of what is sure to become many good things.

First of all: two co-workers that I respected and have worked with for several years parted ways from our firm, one of which I was very close to and had a deep respect for. Saying it was tough would be an understatement. I understand, I get it, but, regardless: it was tough.

Secondly? I made the decision about a month ago to find a new home for the cats. Tim only wanted Bella so when he moved out a while ago I kept the cats. But, it has become increasingly apparent over the last few months that they are not getting the attention that they truly deserve because I am just not home enough to give it to them. In addition, we have a little boy who is deathly allergic to them and as things get more serious with us, I can't justify jeopardizing his health and well-being. So. I found them a new home, a good home. I found a REALLY nice couple who live in south Seattle that absolutely love cats. I met them, I've talked with them, I completely feel at ease and comfortable with them and what's even better? They LOVE the cats and the cats love them. The cats, even the cat who is uncomfortable with most people, warmed up to them right away....purring, cuddling with them, etc. I knew instantaneously upon meeting them that they were the right fit and the cats would get a good home and continue to have the best life possible. It was really hard but it was the right decision.

A picture of the kitty boys (aka obese twins, according to some). They will be missed but they are in a much better situation now. I de-catified my house so now Oliver will be much happier (and allergy free) when he's here.

So, in honor of the end of some things, but truly the fresh starts that happened today- both for my co-workers and for my two little kitty boys- I cracked open a nice bottle of red wine to toast to the next step of this journey in life... for all of us.

I have a problem.

I keep losing things. Not the least of which may be my mind. Maybe? I'm not really sure why this is.

But seriously? It's getting out of control. That day that I got into an accident? Locked my keys in the garage in the rental car somehow. And since? I've lost my keys about 20 times. And I keep losing clothes and my key card to get into my office. And #*&$#* it is driving me NUTS. It wouldn't be so weird if it was typical behavior but it's not AT ALL. I NEVER lose things, never have. Come on, I'm a type A accountant, being organized is my nature. It's completely bizarre.

Perhaps I should take a pregnancy test? Or Alzheimer's?

Just KIDDING.

I blame Justin. It's his fault. I am completely enamoured and enable to concentrate on anything else. Or maybe it was the jolt of said accident and it's that damn tanker trucks' fault.

Or maybe it's just me and I'm just scattered or disorganized or unfocused right now. Who the hell knows.

But! Case in point: today I locked my keys in my house.

This takes some talent, guys, to keep losing them or locking them in ridiculous places so much, so often. Perhaps I should look into a career change as a professional loser of things and locker of keys in obscure places. Thank god I was smart enough to realize my problem so I gave Justin my extra set so that he could rescue me. I think after about the tenth time he just shook his head and handed them over, and I'm sure he was thinking "Again, girl? Really?" I guess the keys are probably the most important but having someone rescue me in that regard doesn't solve the problem of the fact that I can't find my favorite black sweatpants or key card to work or multiple other articles of clothing... hmm...

Domestication.

After the first weekend of October full of friends and family and events the second weekend of October was all about domestication and being totally mellow. We worked out, we made apple crisp, we ate soup, we played cards, we watched football, we got caught up on sleep...in the morning and napping in the afternoons. It helped that the weather was totally crap so we really couldn't be outside playing much.

And at the end of the day? I have to be completely honest: I'm not sure that I have ever enjoyed just staying at home more. I usually tend to be very antsy and ready to go and go go go all the time. But this weekend? AWESOME. It was just incredible to be inside, warm and well, and basically completely domesticated.

An un-wedding.

Sunday October 3rd was supposed to be a glorious, celebratory day. And it was, though in a different way than originally intended. We got an invite from a friend for her wedding on October 3rd, 7pm, black tie event, Seattle Fairmont. Perfect, can't wait.

A few weeks prior to the wedding? It was called off. I don't really think it's appropriate to disclose all of the details here but needless to say, it was probably for the best that it was called off. We were sad, for HER, but were told that the event would still be happening, it was just going to be an un-wedding celebration instead of a wedding celebration...same time, same place. Ok, we're in!

Justin and I at dinner... a little bit of a grainy iphone photo but I think it's super cute, regardless. I am just a little biased.

And a shot of me at dinner enjoying some wine. This was taken with Justin's phone (which obviously has a flash....) After dinner we danced the night away. In fact, one little kid danced so hard he absolutely projectile puked ALL OVER the floor. It was pretty priceless. As everyone knows, I am not in any way, shape or form a fan of vomit (in fact it's a small, er, ok more than small phobia- BUT it is getting better!) and I have never in my life seen so much barf fly out of someone...especially that small. Just saying. He was a dancing fool. NOTE TO SELF: stop dancing if you're dancing so hard you start to feel sick. Anywho. Justin and I had a fabulous time at dinner, dancing, and everything in between. We got some fabulous photo booth photos too. They are currently on display on the refrigerator at home. I have to say, for my first un-wedding experience? It did not disappoint.

Seattle! Sounders!

The first weekend of October, the 2nd to be exact, we had tickets to the Sounders game. Soccer is HUGE in Seattle. Seriously. And apparently the sounders are actually pretty good? We went to one game back in August as one of our first outings as an official couple and were excited to go again. We went with Oliver and one of Justin's clients, our friend, Suzanne. Pictures:

It actually ended up being a nice day when the sun broke through.

Oliver eating a cookie that we snuck in to the game.

Mmmmmm.... yummm....

My boy and I. We actually ended up meeting up with a friend of mine, Ryan, at the game too. It was cool because I hadn't seen him in a long time so I was happy to get to talk to him for a while.

About an hour after the game, these two boys were ZONKED. I mean, you would have thought that they'd just run their asses off for 90 minutes. I fought sleep and then went on a long run. We spent the evening hanging and having dinner with Justin's dad and brother. Perfect October fall day.

Updates and such.

I'm back! It's been a while, eh? I've had some massive computer issues (no, seriously, they were OUT.OF.CONTROL) so I haven't been able to post much but I'm back and in working order now and I have posts from the past month and half ready to go..... Here's the recap of the "backlog" to track what posts go up when they are made:

August 14, 2010: Cereal overload

August 15, 2010: ...annnnd another food post

August 16, 2010: This is about how my Saturday went:

August 17, 2010: And one more weekend day

August 18, 2010: Another glorious trip to those cities out west.

August 22, 2010: Miss Ashley visits Washington and a wedding up north.

August 23, 2010: Post wedding adventure east.

August 24, 2010: Touring the city of Seattle.

August 25, 2010: Exploring Seattle, day 2

August 26, 2010: A tale of a big metal truck: a sad, sad day.

August 30, 2010: Ending August with a bang.