Day 55: July 31, 2019

Someone said something to me today that made me take a pause. It's something that I have probably even said myself, so there's no negative connotation in that sentence. "Beat cancer." I'm not sure how I feel about this. It definitely feels like a large hurdle to overcome. A fight, of course. But for some reason today the beat cancer phrase made me stop and think.... like what if we shouldn't be trying to BEAT this? But rather, what if we should try to take it as a learning opportunity? Embracing it as another thread in the multiple lines of our life story? A chance to show our willpower? To overcome? What if it's not really something to be beaten per se, but healed? I mean can you really beat something that is going to be a part of you for the rest of your life? And do you really want to BEAT it? I don't know, it sort of implies to me that there is either a win or loss scenario here, but what if it is win-win all around? What if instead of beating something, we heal something...or heal everything?


What if in the process of healing the body from cancer, we not only heal the disease but heal our lives? It seems like a much more positive connotation than just "beating" cancer and then returning to life as per usual. I know it's a commonly used phrase and I'm probably overthinking it. I think at the beginning of all of this, we did enter it more as a fight, a chance to conquer something. It really did feel as if we needed to beat something. 55 days later, I can say with certainty.... it's a journey, not necessarily an all out battle. There have been countless lessons....in life, in love, in relationships, in health....for all of us. It's been healing in many ways: we have healed old wounds and relationships just by virtue of pulling together on this (and maybe endless days in two feet hospital rooms), we have learned more about each other, we have faced a fear of the dreaded C word and come together to overcome that fear, we have had countless lessons in the many faces of cancer- the treatments, the ups and downs, the whole story versus just the scary diagnosis.


In addition, I can personally say from all of this, that I have made significant changes to my life to be more healthy...another lesson. This was prompted by the path of Oliver, as well as reading cancer literature, and just wanting the best life for myself and my family. All of us want to live a long and happy life, and something that coincides with that is that you need the health to do so. If I can make little changes now, perhaps it allows me many fruitful years with my spouse, children, and grandchildren.  I have always been pretty healthy, really, but it was time for a clean up- to get rid of the stuff that I don't need and is really a toxin on my body. To try to do better at relieving stress and relishing life. It is not always the easier route, but it is worth it for the long term health benefits, and not to mention overall well being.


All of that said, I think the stance I take now is this: cancer is not something to be JUST beaten. It is something to be HEALED. The body wants to heal. It wants to live and thrive. It was made to do so. Sometimes we get bad cells. And, we can hopefully heal them. But what we put in to and on our bodies does matter...it has before and it will continue to do so in the future. The kind of stress we feel and exhibit, does impact our wellbeing. After all of this is over, each individual will take some sort of healing lesson in it. Mine happens to be the changes I've made in my approach to wellbeing that works for me personally in terms of what I am putting in to my body and how I am approaching stress. Oliver's may be different- perhaps he was changed emotionally or mentally as a result of this experience, I don't really know. Justin's may be the peace and healing he got through this with Colleen. It's different across the board, but it's morphed in to a giant healing OPPORTUNITY versus just a fight to beat something.


Today was status quo. Another recovery day, and Oliver felt good enough to put jeans on! A solid 6. Yes!

He apparently even felt good enough to go out to lunch, which is great news. Colleen said the shot in the stomach was no issue either. Even better. These recovery periods are SO much better than those of round 1 where there was no "recovery." It was just... hell. This seems like how it should be. We are glad that we have figured out the drugs and what works to keep him comfortable to actually be able to recover.

On our side of the mountains, I was working so nothing to really report there. Justin and the kids were up to normal shenanigans. (Also: we just realized school does not start again until after labor day... gahhh!) They ran some errands, played outside, worked on their cars and then Mr. B got the wild hair to make a cake. Ok, kid whatever works.

Owen may have tripped while being a punk and chasing his brother. It was a lesson in karma! (He's fine... teensy tiny scratch you could barely see....)

     
All in all, another low key day. Things are definitely starting to transition. Back to normal, or at least something resembling something of a new normal. It feels INSANE that it is the last day of the July, but having a sense of normalcy pop its head up gives us hope in the next few months. #oliverstrong.