One of the weirdest days ever.

OH MY GOSH. Where do I even start?

I think I woke up last Friday morning as a crazy person. Is this even possible? I don't know.

No, really, I think I did. Or maybe it was the day before and then Friday I had to suffer the results. Who knows. See, I already sound crazy. In about 10 sentences. Just wait.

So, last Friday I had scheduled two appointments. 1) Waxing 2) Acupuncture. Both within an hour of each other. Seemingly normal, right? Wrong.  Both insane.

#1. Let's just start with waxing. And this might be TMI so if it is, move on to #2 (which might also be TMI, so maybe you should just skip this post altogether. Your choice).

Anyway.

I've been waxed before. We all have, right, ladies? Eyebrows, bikini, whatever. Fine. I've had brazilians before... you know for those of you who might be living in a box, you take away all of the hair down there (the appropriate term would be vagina) so you look like you're 12. But if you don't like hair it's a pretty sweet deal. No shaving, no costs of laser, just temporary pain. The costs of beauty, perhaps.

And yes, OUCH.

So, I had a living social deal where I got a waxing service at a severely discounted price at a local place here in Kirkland. Cool. I'd given up waxing, ahem, down south, a while ago because a) I never wear a swim suit here (see probably about 8 of the 10 past posts where I incessantly bitch about Seattle's weather) and b) since I am always pretty much in long underwear, jeans, and uggs, who the hell even cares? If my boyfriend is fine with a shave, I'm perfectly happy with that as well. Meaning, I don't have to endure the waxing pain.

But, I got this deal, and thought, I'm getting married and then going to live in a bikini for a week in Hawaii, I don't want to shave.

I AM CRAZY.

I was just going to do the bikini line but once in there? "Oh, go ahead, just take it all off."

Again, CRAZY.

Has anyone out there been waxed after not being waxed in a long time? OH MY FREAKING BLOODY HELL.  There are no words.

Vanity and convenience HURTS. Especially after you've forgotten just how badly. Two words: involuntarily crying. It was not pretty.

But now "it" is. Was it worth it? For $30, yeah, I guess so. But still. OW.

Lesson #1.

#2) I also scheduled an acupuncture appointment this same day. An hour after the wax start time. Why? Because it was convenient, they are about a block away from each other. Made sense. I've been seeing an acupuncturist for a while now and haven't talked about it much here. I know I have written before about how I feel with the whole eastern/western medicine thing. Let's just say now, for simpleness, that I firmly believe in the power of eastern medicine and acupuncture and lining up of qi ("chee", meaning energy within the body). And that I also believe there is a time and place for Western medicine but it's often abused. I will not get on my soap box.

Ahem. Focus.

So, acupuncture. Why acupuncture?

I went off the pill a few months ago. Oh my goodness, I feel 400 tangents coming all at once. Quick one here- went off the pill because I HATE IT. It was making me feel looney, making my body whacky and the more I read and researched about it, the more I hated it. So I started doing the rhythm method of birth control- taking temperatures every morning and several other things to get my body "aligned" and in tune and back into its own cycle. WELL worth it when you consider the side effects of the pill.

Well.

The pill really fucks things up. That's the nicest way I can say that.

Shocker, I know.

Almost 6 months later and I still have yet to have a period. And have been experiencing some CRAZY emotions. Like, really? I thought I knew hormones before. Um perhaps this whacked out hormones were what made me schedule these two torture sessions back to back? Just a thought.

So- the hormones.

Currently I go for 4 weeks feeling like I might be in freaking menopause, then to feel like I've effectively been through menopause and there's absolutely no action... I could be 75 years old for all I know. No hormones whatsoever. And then all of a sudden, one day BAM! Everythinghitmeallatonce... meaning, breakouts, bloating, bawling because, oh, I don't know, the sun's in the wrong place in the freaking sky, who the hell even knows. But no period. It's like Christmas eve without ever getting to Christmas all the f-ing time around here. Build up build up build up... then, nothing.

And this is not abnormal. Especially for someone who a) exercises a lot and has low body fat and b) has been on the pill for way too long.

It's also incredibly obnoxious. And I have an advantage because I DO eat well and take care of my body. I cannot imagine what this process would be if I was shit out of shape and ate like crap, too. Actually, I wouldn't want to. I don't know what I would do if that were the case but I picture myself lying on the floor requesting someone to shoot me (only slightly over dramatic).

So, to end that tangent- my normal acupuncturist tried to jump start the whole period thing (meaning, no more "lack" of blood- there's some formal term for it). She did acupuncture treatments, oils (I rubbed geranium on my feet every night for about 2.5 months... so that our bedroom smelled like a damn flower herb garden. I think Justin was trying to be nice when he said he liked the smell). I took some cornmeal consistency type of supplement that basically just sticks to your mouth and makes you feel like you ate a wad of playdough at the end of trying to chew it... and probably tastes much worse. It was supposed to build my liver up or something (somehow this is linked to my period?)

When all of this didn't work, she referred me to her colleague who specializes in women's health/fertility (no, we're not trying to get pregnant but it's the same field... you know, one day it might be nice). He's more of a herbalist as well and can really help in this arena. Great. Since that's right by my waxing, I'll just schedule both together. Wow, took a long time to get to the point of that, eh?

So, after waxing, I headed to see this new acunpunturist guy.

Well, if my body wasn't already on overload from having a million hairs yanked out of it's most sensitive region, it sure as hell wanted to die after the acupuncture treatment from this new referral guy, I cannot even come close to explaining.

YOU GUYS, I'm not kidding, this treatment was just INTENSE. I don't know if it was partially due to the fact that I just came from waxing or just the new guy/different methods, or what but I simultaneously wanted to puke and pass out on the table when not even all points were in me yet. WHAT IN THE HELL?! I drifted in and out of consciousness as the points were "setting" (not sure if that's the correct term) and I remember him coming back in to talk to me and I remember responding but could not tell you for the life of me what in the hell he was asking. And then at one point I remember thinking, I wonder how I could puke if all these points are in? But oh crap, then they'll fall out and I'll die and I'll be on that 50 weirdest ways to die show. Oooh, I know, maybe I'll just puke through the face cradle.. that would be lovely. (OH and all of this not to mention, I've only puked TWICE in my adult life. You guys know my thing with puke!) So, that I was even CONSIDERING it, means I was pretty far gone. So then I'm having these vivid dreams that go back to my childhood and I'm drifting in and out and thinking I might puke then not. Oh hell, I'll just pass out again. Then jolt awake, "OH shit, I'm going to puke, how do I DO THAT?" Then, rapid heartbeak, sweaty palms, ohfuckohfuckohfuck, then the feeling goes away and I resign myself to passing out again/having weird childhood dreams.

CAH-RAZY. I mean, seriously, I have never experienced anything like that. Ever.

He comes back in after god knows how long and removes the points and does some weird chinese back treatment for some back pain I've been having (remember, I mentioned this) and I'm on my way.

Ha.

Except.

I literally felt for the next three hours like I was both hungover and high. At the same time. It was TRIPPY. I went back to work and remember asking simple questions that normally I would know the answers to and having my staff look at me like, WHAT? (they later told me I was in rare form. And it was hilarious. Hmm. You don't SAY). Finally about 4 hours later I felt like eating, so I did, and decided there was no way in hell I would be working out that day. Instead, water and rest. It was INSANITY.

Lesson #2?

I'm not even sure what you would take from that lesson... acupuncture is crazy?

Come to find out: after asking around after that experience, including the doc himself, a response like that is one of the best to have in acupuncture. It means that the energy is really flowing/working. I have no idea WHAT in the hell it was but something was moving and shaking. Oh, and that night? I had the emotions and the cramps from hell. No period yet but something is trying to happen. Quite interesting.
So, lessons from this crazy day: vanity hurts and acupuncture works. New tag line? And if you ever schedule a first waxing in a year and a first time appointment with a new acupunturist within an hour of each other, you might be declared certifiably insane. By me. (And only because I now know how crazy that was).