The lady doctor.

I went to the, ahem, lady doctor today for my "annual appointment." Anyone who is a girl that reads this knows what that means and seriously? I DISLIKE this appointment. HUGE, GIANT, MASSIVE thumbs down.

I mean, I KNOW that this is just one of those "have to do" things but I really hate the whole experience.

Besides stating the obvious total VIOLATIONS (gross), I just hate the whole thing. Everything, from the minute you walk in the door, is just ick. It NEVER fails.

Example: my appointment today.

First thing, in the elevator, I'm riding up with a lady who I swear, is about 1.5 seconds away from popping a baby out. That's great and fine and awesome for her but HI, I only know CPR here, pretty sure that WON'T HELP YOU if we were to get stuck. Luckily, we made it out ok...but with some "uggghs, oooohs, aahhhh" from her in the 2 minute ride up. I even asked if she was ok and she did the whole, "Yeea....ooooh" thing. I was a little freaked. I mean was I supposed to rub her back or something? I HAD NO IDEA, since I have never actual experienced that myself...

Secondly. In the waiting room. KIDS GALORE. And come on, what is it about the kids in waiting rooms? They are always CRAZED. I have never heard so many "Let's ready this doctor Seuss book" or "Look, a Pooh book!" as I heard today. Not to mention the million kids running around like crazed little people. I wonder, is this a form of birth control for those of us that are there just for our annual exam? I think if I were to be sitting there pregnant I would be thinking, "Oh my GOD, what am I getting myself into?" I know that my kids will be no exception to the crazed kid waiting room rule. But still. Wow. Oh, and not to mention the fact that you wait FOREVER.

Third. The actual appointment. Peeing in a cup? I HATE THIS. WHY must we do this?

Fourth. The up-sell. Last year it was a myriad of blood tests that I wasn't anticipating (which all turned out phenomenal, so I was happy I did it) and then this year? A combo Tetanus/Diphtheria/Whooping cough shot... since my last tetanus shot has expired and apparently the other two vaccines are usually only given to kids but they are seeing increases in those diseases in adults as the kid vaccines are wearing off. (Insert sad face). Now I have a sore and heavy arm. Weight lifting today will = boo.

Fifth. Freezing in basically NOTHING and then MORE TALK ABOUT BABIES. I mean, it's not like I don't already get asked FOUR MILLION times a year when I'm going to have kids. But then the doctor starts in on it... and family planning...and if/when I might want to do any genetic testing. And OH MY GOSH, please just swipe my vagina so I can leave. (sorry mom, yes, I just said that publicly).

Sixth. The whole body exam. VIOLATION VIOLATION VIOLATION. HATE IT. Boobs, back, heart, head, throat, stomach, digging around INSIDE OF ME for what feels like an eternity, oh and the whole swiping of the uh, lady parts...you know, the whole POINT of this madness. I won't even GO there with the whole metal contraption that they stick in us. Oh man, everything combined for these appointments, just suck. I'm not afraid of doctors and have a pretty high pain tolerance but I just find this whole experience COMPLETELY and UTTERLY unenjoyable. Guys have no idea how easy they have it. And I KNOW that this is a far cry from what so many of my friends have gone through having experienced the whole pregnancy/labor/delivery thing BUT I have never experienced that so right now, this is my definition of violation yuck-ness. I know, waaaah, all of my mommy friends are definitely not feeling sorry for me.

The good news about all of this?
1) Apparently everything felt ok
2) All my vital stats were great (IE: blood pressure was at 102-62 and it's supposed to be less than 120-80). And just a note on everything they tell you? IE: when they told me my blood pressure numbers... PLEASE tell me what that means! I have NO CLUE if that means I'm going to die in the next three seconds or if that's good and my phrase of these appointments is usually, "So what does that mean?"
3) It's OVER for another year. I practically raced out of there... of course, not before I got trampled by a few little munchkins as I was walking through the waiting room.