What should you do when you have no real understanding of what's going on?

Since last weekend, Tim and I have spent every spare moment glued to Fox News, CNN, or the weather channel. Last weekend we were intrigued by this hurricane named Katrina that roared over Florida and was relentlessly proceeding to head directly towards the great city of New Orleans. We were in awe of the mandatory evacuation of a city of this size and wondered if it could really be that bad. We kind of poked fun at the reporters who were saying that New Orleans could be completely and totally under water after landfall on Monday morning, naively thinking like most other people that nothing of that magnitude could happen to an indestructible city like New Orleans. It was just a good way to get people to watch the news, right? But we were still captivated by thoughts of well, what if? The first thing we did on Sunday and Monday morning was to run to the TV like kids running to watch saturday morning cartoons to see if this storm was still as powerful and still headed straight to the bulls eye that had become the gulf coast. ESPN or any other sports event has not made an appearance in our house since last weekend. That in itself is a small miracle, but it goes to say how tuned in we've been to this crisis.

Monday night, after the wrath of the actual storm had passed, it seemed like the destruction outcome had been overtalked and overanalyzed by reporters all over the country. They themselves were vocal about how the storm appeared to not be as bad as expected. But we still watched. And just when we thought everything was in the clear, we saw how wrong these initial assumptions after Katrina burst through really were.

And today we are still glued. But not because of fascination with mother nature. Because of horror, pity, heartbreak, sadness, and complete helplessness for these people in Louisiana and Mississippi who have lost everything. Everything. And for the people in Louisiana who are dealing with conditions that no human being should ever be even REMOTELY close to in their entire existence. These people are in situations so bad that I cannot even begin to fathom how they must be feeling or what they must be going through. To try to imagine it would be discounting what they probably really are feeling. I can't empathize with them because that wouldn't be enough... I have no understanding of their situation. I can't relate. I've never in my life had anything even close to that bad happen. In fact, if that is the bar for what defines bad, everything in my life has been superb, excellent, outstanding. Even the events that I would shallowly define as bad could be considered good compared to the circumstances of these people. I cannot begin to comprehend in even the slightest what they must be feeling and how it will impact them for the rest of their lives. It is unimaginable to me. The only direct affect on me is that I am paying $3.19 a gallon for gas. But I still have my job, I still have my house, my clothes, food, I still have my beloved family members and I am not worried that they have drowned, been shot, or been starved to death, I still have everything I need. In all honesty, these people in New Orleans that are stuck on their roofs, are just concerned about one thing: survival. They just want the basics: water, food, a flushing toilet. A pillow is probably a luxury to them at this point. How unthinkable is that?

The situation in New Orleans is absolutely horrifying to me. Gut wrenching. I feel helpless for not being able to do anything substantial. I feel selfish that my life, in all respects, is 'normal' while all these people have lost any sense of normalcy that once existed. I feel scared of the force of the uncontrollable. If this could happen to New Orleans, it could happen anywhere. Every day I'm a little bit more wary of turning on the TV just because it keeps getting worse, more grim and horrific stories keep surfacing. I feel so helpless and sad but those feelings are miniscule and unwarranted to the hopelessness and despair that I know the people of this gulf region must be wracked with. I feel guilty for what I have. I just don't know what the hell to do. I am stunned, transfixed by this grotesque tragedy. It is my fear that I will never see anything as bad as this in my life again because that make it the worst thing I've ever seen. But it is also my hope. I can't imagine ever seeing anything this bad again and I hope not to. I still don't think that anyone can imagine the extent of what is happening down there, except for those actually there who are living the nightmare.

For now, the only thing I can realistically give is what I have. Which is multitudes more than what these people have. Isn't it sad that it takes something like this to realize how lucky you are? How blessed you are? Although, I wish I were capable of flying a plane to rescue people or making medicines to cure people or being an engineer to fix the city I realize I'm not capable of these things. The only things I can give to these people right now is everything that they've lost. I can give them my thoughts, my empathy and sympathy, my prayers, my money, and my hope.