Resurrecting the blog...the C word way!

I wish I could say that the reason I'M BAAACK was because I'm bored out of my mind and why the hell not start to post daily pictures of my kids again.


Sadly, that is not the case, although no promises that some fun kid pictures won't sneak in as I start to post more and get in to a habit of keeping this updated more than it has been in the past couple of years.


For many of you who are reading this, you know the story. For those that don't, here's what I can tell you (and disclaimer here: I am telling this in this forum so that we can update friends and family in one spot as we go through this journey. Some of the experiences will be from my perspective):


1) In October of 2018 (last fall), our 22 year old son Oliver was diagnosed with testicular cancer. For those of you who are young men or who have young men here is what we have learned about this diagnosis:
-this is the most common type of cancer in young men ages 18-22 (roughly)
-it appeared just like we have all heard of breast cancer appearing-feeling strange lumps
-his GP misdiagnosed it for a couple of weeks in which he was taking antibiotics (GP not even thinking the C word)
 -this resulted in rapid growth and eventual "emergency" midnight surgery to remove a testicle and lymph nodes surrounding it once he was appropriately treated and referred to a surgical oncologist.
2) After October, we were assured that the surgery had gotten it all and he was set up for routine scans. We kind of all moved on with our lives thinking, man that sucked, glad that's over!
3) Flashback a few weeks ago as I was driving home from work and got a call from Justin "so we have a little issue." Insert: complete tunnel hearing, heart dropping, WHAT?
4) Turns out the little issue was a current scan came back. At the time, all medical websites were shut down so Oliver could not access his account/see what was going on and when he called the doctor, he was told that, basically, you need to come in today. Again, with the heart dropping feeling of doom.
5) He and Justin headed in that day to find that the scan showed that the cancer was back, growing aggressively up and towards his spine/kidneys (as a result, staging upgraded), and he would need to start full body aggressive chemotherapy ASAP.
6) Basically the words we thought we had lived through... back again... and worse. It is something that you think you will experience with your parents, or perhaps your spouse, but certainly doesn't cross the mind for your kids.


At this point, we have spent the last couple of weeks getting him moved up to Seattle and his care transferred to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance where a) it is supposed to be one of the best around and b) there are doctors that specialize specifically in his type of cancer.


Starting today, he will be doing about 2.5 months of aggressive chemotherapy, which are 15 day cycles. Each cycle starts with 5 days "on" of chemo infusions, and then he rotates on/off until day 15 when he starts it all over again. They will adjust the chemo cocktail depending upon how his body responds, which is different for everyone so we just kind of have to wait to see how it goes.


We have all been dealing with it differently. I have been doing this:


1) Reading as much as I can about cancer/Oliver's cancer/chemo...which I haven't decided if this is a good or bad thing. The more I read, the more slightly terrified I get, but then again, knowledge is power and that is sort of the stance I am taking.

2) Doing as much as I can to help, knowing that this is really my way of dealing (and remains to be seen whether or not it is actually helpful). The below is called essiac tea, which is a tea that is known to help cancer patients, and many people truly believe it is a strong proponent in curing cancer. I figured, why the hell not- it can't hurt. So I went out and bought some and made some- which incidentally made our house smell both like we killed something and/or were trying to make some random version of our own pot. Funny story about this tea: when I was in high school my dad got a wild hair to have my mom make it after a co-worker of his swore by it after overcoming breast cancer. I remember how god awful it was then (smell-wise), but I also remember him chugging his glass every night. He doesn't have cancer and he is the most meat and potatoes guy out there so if he can do it, Oliver can too!



I think we have all gone through various stages of what I would say mimic the stages of grief.


Angry-it is so unfair and unjust for this to happen? Why? How?
Sad- self explanatory.
Scared-also obvious
Accepting-trying to fix it, find solutions, make it better- focus on the path
Guilty- why not us? Why can't we take this?


In some ways, it is an empowering experience and so we have had those feelings as well. We all kind of live our lives in some sort of fear of hearing that dreaded C word (or at least I did until this point). Once you are in it, you just start to fight it, and it really lessens that fear- I mean, once you are fighting one of the "worst" things that can happen, you kind of start to look at the world in a different manner and perspective. I wouldn't recommend doing this just for that perspective, but, it is at least one positive.

At this point, the conclusion I have come to is that no one is given anything we can't handle, and so we fully expect to handle this and fight like hell. Justin and I compared it last night to almost like the anticipation of labor. You know SOMETHING is going to happen/has to happen, but you have no idea if it is going to be good or bad. Ultimately, the hope is the end solution is the best solution, but regardless, the one thing you do know, is that your life is about to change in some way.

Negatively has absolutely zero place in this battle, and that is another constant we are leaning on. We are focusing on being positive and knowing that not only Oliver, but Oliver with all of us behind him will overcome this. There is a literal full blown, kick ass army behind him (thus the resurrection of this blog because we are all on repeat!), who are asking about him, praying for him, sending good thoughts, doing sun dances for him, meditating for him. However people send the "good" juju out to the universe, to god, to whoever, and in whatever way- so many are doing so. For that, we thank each and everyone of you, and will keep everyone updated through this forum as we move along this journey. Keep it all coming- we can feel the power in your thoughts and prayers.