This journey is like that.
Our first "mile" was the first day. Feeling pretty good. Our first REAL hurdle, IE: the mile 3, was getting through this 5 day block of chemo. We were told by virtually everyone that this would be brutal. And after that, the two days of rest could be rough, and then day 8 they add back in a particularly harsh chemo drug so buckle up for that day. BUT! You can do it because after day 8, you have a week off. Just in time to come back in for day 15, and then to start the 5 day cycle in a row all over again. You can't think out THAT far though.... literally, like in a race, you have to think of it in chunks. Get through 5 days. Get through day 8. And then we look on to the next hurdle/mile and deal with it.
All of that total rambling to say (hello, coffee has KICKED IN!) we MADE IT THROUGH DAY 5!
First up on day 5-- begin the deep clean of the house to get rid of cat dander. Justin started of by cleaning the couch and carpets, and I spent time organizing the cats to take over to our friends after dropping the kids off at school.
Bye, bye kitties! For now. (That was a LOUD ride!) The boys have actually not been too concerned about the cats being gone, which is the part I was worried most about. But, they don't really seem to care much which is great. I think it helps that they know where the cats are and that they can go see them (and one of their favorite people) any time.
When I got back, Justin was wrapping up with clients and so I continued with mass amounts of laundry to get all the sheets/pillows etc washed, and also made Oliver a shake. Again, goal is to GET CALORIES IN. I figured, why the hell not try. In the shake: flax protein milk, vegan protein powder, frozen blueberries, banana, a poppy sized scoop of sunflower nut butter, and I may have snuck in some wheat grass and fermented beets (sssssh).
When we got to the hospital, we met with the nutritionist at around 11am (pre-scheduled appointment). She basically said everything that we had been thinking. Keep eating. Eat small snacks, calorie dense, and frequently. At this point the what is not so important as just eating. They are already giving him a ton of fluid to protect the kidneys, so at this point he is very hydrated. We also need to get him walking to help preserve muscle/keep him moving and strong.
He is just having major issues with nausea, and not wanting to eat as a result. Lexi told us that this morning was one of the worst, and I guess he threw up the night before a little as well. We are working on figuring out his nausea meds. He's on a long lasting Zofran to last through the next few days, as well as another nausea med in a different family that we can give him every 6 hours. There is another one that he's also been taking at night and in the hospital via IV (makes him crash/sleep hard core). I guess the next "family" of anti-nausea is Benadryl, which also would make him sleepy, but somehow the anti-histamine properties somehow block the nausea. We haven't gotten there yet. They also recommended THC/marijuana to help with anti-nausea and increasing appetite. Justin sells CBD (non-THC) which is also great for side effects of chemo, but the THC component would help with the other effects in compliment. Interesting thought. So of course, I started researching in the hospital.
Shortly after... back out again! And the rest of us settled in.
After doing some quick and dirty research on THC/chemo side effects/cancer patients, I was sold (had already read about this a little bit, but shoot, anything to help). Disclaimer: I am a total pot virgin! While I have some minor experiences with smoking/edibles, etc. (uh, like maybe three), I have never been to a dispensary. I quite literally had ZERO idea what I was doing. As I was trying to figure out where to go, and what the hell to buy, one of our friends told us their son now works as an assistant manager at a dispensary pretty close by us. He was able to give me some ideas of some more medicinal strains that would help for the side effects we were trying to help. Yes! So after a crash course, I left the hospital to go to the store for more blueberries (Oliver's request), and to the pot store.
Goodness, that was a hilarious experience. The poor guy totally thought I had cancer. But, we got two things that should really help. One is a THC /CBD mix that should really help with the side effects of chemo (mostly nausea and lack of appetite) the indica strain is more towards nighttime to also help with those symptoms but will totally knock him out. He had a full dose of the CBD/THC last night and seemed to be feeling better. I made him a full plate of food and he ate it all! Yes!! Justin said he was feeling pretty pukey (like asked for a bowl), but never through up and made it through the hurdle.
Also, while we were gone at the hospital, our cleaners came to our house and literally spend several hours here where they did ALL of the rest of the laundry/cleaned the entire house. It was quite literally above and beyond. We are so grateful to have them!
Random side kid pictures: picking up the kids from school, Bennett showed me a dance award that he had gotten that day. Just saying: those are skills he inherited neither from myself or his dad...
It was also his celebration of his birthday today at preschool (since he has an August birthday, they just do it before the year ends). He had a crown with a white kitten on it (Pearl), which was pretty cute. The celebration of Owen's summer birthday is Thursday- and his kindergarten graduation is today-- so it's been a bit nuts with school stuff as well. You know #doingitall.
This about made me bawl.. little helpers so excited to help Oliver. We are trying to figure out what will be most comfortable for Oliver in the room- lots of options including taking apart the bunks if needed.
Poppy saying goodnight for the night. I'm not sure why but I felt compelled to take a picture as he was talking about Oliver... the care and concern in his face. Oliver is still his little boy. How he talks to him right now "we are going to get you through this scooter" is just.... heart wrenching. It is how he talks to the little boys when they are feeling like horse shit, and you can just feel it all come out. He would do anything to take this from him.
In that vein, he slept on the couch last night to stay close to him in case he needed anything. He said he mostly just peed a lot last night, but felt ok. Fred (the dog) was SUPER excited to have a buddy on the couch, and to have Oliver here too.
To quote something that Justin put on facebook the other day, and that feels really relevant after getting over these first 5 days "on":
The devil whispered in my ear, You are not strong enough to withstand the storm. Today, I whispered in the devil's ear, "I am the fucking storm."
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