Growing up in Missouri, in case you didn't know, WE DON'T HAVE MOUNTAINS. I would barely venture to say we even really have hills, at least not hills the likes of the "hills" I have seen in Washington or in Canada when mountain biking (those would be mountains in Missouri...). And we certainly didn't have these crazy single track mountain bike trails. OMG WHAT ARE THOSE?! The only thing I can think is just some kind of death wish. Although my kids say, with their eyes rolled, "Mom they are FUN."
So, mountain biking for me is a little like this: clumsy. You hop on the bike and you know how to ride a bike. Start off on the flat road- this is easy. It's a good workout, like a race, but it isn't consistent like a race. Because you get to the trail, and OMG.... You just never know what's going to happen on the trails. OH that rock right there? JUST ABOUT FLEW OVER MY HANDLE BARS. Where did that come from? Crap! Steer left! Sharp turn! Shit, almost flew off the hill! Oh, lean towards a certain way if the corner is too sharp, and don't brake too hard on the right because you'll fly over the bars again. Then the climbs (which I am good at), they just burn... but, for me, it's easier than the craze of the downhills and just holding on for dear life. So, yeah. Clumsy. And you never really know what the trail is going to throw at you or in your path.
This is a MUCH better analogy of this process.
Case in point. FEVER. ALL OF A SUDDEN OLIVER SPIKED A FEVER. And it wasn't bad. 99-100. However, we were told that in chemo, typically the temperature runs around 97, so lower than normal. Out of nowhere yesterday in the wee am hours, it spiked up to 100. Like a freaking rock OUT OF NOWHERE. And while we moderately know what we are doing, and are figuring it out each day-- it's kind of like me on a bike. Just gripping the handle bars, and not really knowing what to expect day to day, and hoping we don't just utterly flip over.
Last night was one of the worst nights with Oliver, and thank god for Colleen who took the brunt of this one. He was just jittery, fidgety and restless and nothing seemed to really help him. However, he did have a midnight snack of soup and said "this soup is SO GOOD." Again, whatever and whenever he wants to eat, we are happy. I got up yesterday, and saw the midnight trackings and realized they had had a pretty grueling night. The good news is: no fever in the am.
Until I got out of bed and saw the above journal from Colleen from the night before, I was feeling sorry for myself that I got a 5am kicker in bed. Happy father's day to Justin! Haha. He is pretty dang cute when he is sleeping, though.
At around 4am, Oliver was able to finally get comfortable and pass out, and slept pretty solidly until about 11am. He got up, showered, and made it out to the table to eat. Yes! Minor victories, again!
Owen was having a moment- pretty crabby, and I think trying to process everything like all of us. So, I spent a few minutes with him trying to talk him through it all. He was a-ok for the rest of the day after that! I think we have to remember that even the little guys are processing as well.
The kids were SUPER excited that neighbor Susan gave us "cow poop" to add to our compost pile. And guess which one dug right in with both hands....
Colleen and Owen have been having a great time playing uno, and he is LOVING it. I am not sure what the tally is but they have played no less than 20 games in the last couple of days. This is really good for him to have this extra attention, and we are so grateful to her for it.
Later in the afternoon, Bailey and Angel visited us again, and there was a car washing and bike washing party.
Bennett: well, I just washed my bike so time to crash in the mud!
Oliver also had one of his best buddies Nick come and visit. This was SO special. It was the most alive and animated we have seen Oliver, which speaks volumes about his relationship with Nick and how much this guy means to him. We love Nick- he is definitely an extension of our family, and it meant so much that he came up to see OG.
Meanwhile, as we were getting ready for dinner. Little twinks B and B. Bennett decided last night that anything Bailey did, he wanted to do. Pretty cute.
More uno!
After we ate dinner, Oliver came out to sit! He was feeling antsy, he said. It was good to see him out of bed.
And he ate more, too!
It was actually good to see how engaged Oliver was with Nick. He talked more to Nick than he has talked to us all week. Nice work, Nick!
And guess what! THEN OLIVER WANTED TO GO FOR A WALK! Amazing! Goals are being met over here.
It blows my mind sometimes how I can see the Valente in Oliver. As in Grandpa Joe. Just like Bennett looks like Bailey (and Justin and Laura), Oliver's resemblance to Grandpa Joe is uncanny sometimes.
After the walk, Oliver went back to bed for a little while but had a few more walks last night as he was feeling anxious and fidgety. We are trying to figure how we can help him in this regard. The good news is that at least when he has been up, he has been eating! All in all, yesterday was a successful day. We are not QUITE there on figuring out his meds, and this whole thing is 100% a team effort, but we are getting there.
Take note of the picture below and the blue dot after what looks to be a much smaller "hill" than it felt like:
I went out for an early morning ride yesterday when everyone was still sleeping. It was a first thing in the morning type of thing, and so it was a fasting ride. Mostly when I do those type of rides, I do something moderately flat and not super long, so I had a bit of an error in judgment when I thought it might be a good idea to do a fasting ride that was 16 miles and 1000 feet of climbing (a mountain in Missouri!) Literally, I was about 1/4 up this big hill and wanted to quit. I mean, I can't even describe in words how much I wanted to quit. I was already 11 miles in, it was already a good ride, there was nothing I was trying to prove to anyone. And then I thought of Oliver, in the house, literally his body fighting like hell every second of every day and I thought, if he can do THAT, I can get up a stupid god damn hill. And, drawing on that strength, I did. Amazingly.
Something that people keep saying to us, in this vein, is that "you guys are so strong." I don't know that any one of us really feels that way. We are doing what anyone else would do if this was their kid, and like I drew strength from Oliver to get up the hill, we are drawing strength from each other to get up our "hill" in this fight. Many people fight many things every day, and we just are not always aware of them. This is our battle, but everyone has their own. Divorce, death, work issues, on and on and on. We all have our own "things." Some are just bigger than others and shed perspective on what really matters on life. And I think that the lesson in this is that: you actually CAN get up the hill. The strength as a group is more than the strength of us as individuals, and in some ways there is a magic element as well: you summon strength from somewhere deep, deep down that you never knew you were capable of possessing.
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