A day of meanings, as some days tend to be. To me, this year, October 20 was a great day.
It started off with something I love: oats in a jar. It's a great invention- you have a little bit of peanut butter left and you make oatmeal with the remains... in the jar. It basically just means extra creamy/peanut buttery goodness in your oats. I love it but I'm also an INSANE peanut butter lover (really? who knew!?) so perhaps I'm a little biased.
And
mmmmmm....looking down into the jar.
Mid afternoon, I had to head home to meet the
mattress delivery guy. I had bought new mattresses for the guest bedroom to prepare for the upcoming holidays. Apparently I got a little "buy" crazy because I also had a nice pile of furniture loot that accompanied the
mattresses. I might have sent the above picture to Justin and I might have said, "You do like building things, right?" And he might have called promptly after that, with "What did you buy?!" To his credit, he'd spent a weekend about month before building the new furniture in the living room that I'd gotten from a local furniture store...and maybe, just maybe, hauled what felt like a two ton couch on his shoulder by himself into the living room from the street from that same furniture store. So I think the above pile may have just freaked him out a little bit when I had previously mentioned rather casually that I just bought a couple of things for the guest bedroom. Ahem. Anyway, the need for this furniture: when Tim moved out, he took what was rightfully his from the house- mostly the guest bedroom and a few living room items that I wanted to replace anyway (and that I subsequently did, obviously). So, I got to remodel! Of course, I put most of it off for as long as possible (why did I do this?!) which is why I was about 11 days from a big party at my house and frantically trying to get it put together. Well. What can I say? I'm brilliant. At procrastinating.
BUT, since October 20, is a rather memory heavy day (see
here) and will always hold some meaning for Tim and I, Tim came over with Miss Bella to visit with me and to help me out. I think it meant something to both of us to have the afternoon together. It was both happy and sad in a myriad of ways...happy because we've surpassed, forgiven and risen above a LOT of shit and, as a result have subsequently gotten to a point where we can remain friends and sad for what was and the memories that we have in our past that have led us to where we are now. I mean, really, I'll put it out there: who the hell WANTS or CHOOSES to be divorced TWICE? Or hell, once for that matter. I have no regrets about either of my marriages in any way shape or form. In the first, I was young and made some tough decisions for MYSELF based on what I knew I needed to be the happiest I could be and in the second some decisions were made that caused the marriage to be dysfunctional and left not much choice but to end it. I don't really care to talk about either here other than to say this: I have absolutely no regrets. I have no
resentment. I am only looking forward. And now, after two, I know damn well what I do and don't want out of a partner, regardless of if I ever get married again. I mean, everyone goes through some sort of crap at some point in their life and if at the end of it all, you come away as a stronger, better person and have learned something for it? I sort of think that's all that matters. Anyway, end of tangent.... Tim helped get the
mattresses in and to put all of the furniture together. It was AWESOME and so very much appreciated. I got to play with Bella in between working as well and Justin even stopped by at one point to say hi. I was so happy.
Look at that sweet face. I miss Bella so much. Granted, I am happy that Tim lives with a girl now who has a dog (and playmate) for Bella and they have a HUGE yard in which the dogs can run and run and run. But still: I miss her. I do NOT, however, miss picking up her poop 80 times a day or running her all over creation because she can't stay at home because she poops so much and has so much energy or dealing with a puppy that eats things and destroys things and has endless amounts of energy. Even though we are all in a much better situation, I miss my dog. I do. I love her. And she loves me too. She was so mad at me at first when she came over because I hadn't seen her in a while. But after about 10 minutes, she stopped pouting and gave me a giant hug and huge "kisses" (aka: yucky licks across the face). So October 20 this year was not spent in a way that the past couple October 20s have been spent but it was a good day. A productive day. A day of reliving and remembering. And looking forward with a huge smile on my face: grateful for what I've been through, a stronger and better person today than the years before, amazed and blessed for what I have found in my life- my work, my home, my friends, my family, my astounding new boy, my rich past, and mostly, the future that is looking brighter and brighter than ever.
It started off with something I love: oats in a jar. It's a great invention- you have a little bit of peanut butter left and you make oatmeal with the remains... in the jar. It basically just means extra creamy/peanut buttery goodness in your oats. I love it but I'm also an INSANE peanut butter lover (really? who knew!?) so perhaps I'm a little biased.
And mmmmmm....looking down into the jar.
Mid afternoon, I had to head home to meet the mattress delivery guy. I had bought new mattresses for the guest bedroom to prepare for the upcoming holidays. Apparently I got a little "buy" crazy because I also had a nice pile of furniture loot that accompanied the mattresses. I might have sent the above picture to Justin and I might have said, "You do like building things, right?" And he might have called promptly after that, with "What did you buy?!" To his credit, he'd spent a weekend about month before building the new furniture in the living room that I'd gotten from a local furniture store...and maybe, just maybe, hauled what felt like a two ton couch on his shoulder by himself into the living room from the street from that same furniture store. So I think the above pile may have just freaked him out a little bit when I had previously mentioned rather casually that I just bought a couple of things for the guest bedroom. Ahem. Anyway, the need for this furniture: when Tim moved out, he took what was rightfully his from the house- mostly the guest bedroom and a few living room items that I wanted to replace anyway (and that I subsequently did, obviously). So, I got to remodel! Of course, I put most of it off for as long as possible (why did I do this?!) which is why I was about 11 days from a big party at my house and frantically trying to get it put together. Well. What can I say? I'm brilliant. At procrastinating.
BUT, since October 20, is a rather memory heavy day (see here) and will always hold some meaning for Tim and I, Tim came over with Miss Bella to visit with me and to help me out. I think it meant something to both of us to have the afternoon together. It was both happy and sad in a myriad of ways...happy because we've surpassed, forgiven and risen above a LOT of shit and, as a result have subsequently gotten to a point where we can remain friends and sad for what was and the memories that we have in our past that have led us to where we are now. I mean, really, I'll put it out there: who the hell WANTS or CHOOSES to be divorced TWICE? Or hell, once for that matter. I have no regrets about either of my marriages in any way shape or form. In the first, I was young and made some tough decisions for MYSELF based on what I knew I needed to be the happiest I could be and in the second some decisions were made that caused the marriage to be dysfunctional and left not much choice but to end it. I don't really care to talk about either here other than to say this: I have absolutely no regrets. I have no resentment. I am only looking forward. And now, after two, I know damn well what I do and don't want out of a partner, regardless of if I ever get married again. I mean, everyone goes through some sort of crap at some point in their life and if at the end of it all, you come away as a stronger, better person and have learned something for it? I sort of think that's all that matters. Anyway, end of tangent.... Tim helped get the mattresses in and to put all of the furniture together. It was AWESOME and so very much appreciated. I got to play with Bella in between working as well and Justin even stopped by at one point to say hi. I was so happy.
Look at that sweet face. I miss Bella so much. Granted, I am happy that Tim lives with a girl now who has a dog (and playmate) for Bella and they have a HUGE yard in which the dogs can run and run and run. But still: I miss her. I do NOT, however, miss picking up her poop 80 times a day or running her all over creation because she can't stay at home because she poops so much and has so much energy or dealing with a puppy that eats things and destroys things and has endless amounts of energy. Even though we are all in a much better situation, I miss my dog. I do. I love her. And she loves me too. She was so mad at me at first when she came over because I hadn't seen her in a while. But after about 10 minutes, she stopped pouting and gave me a giant hug and huge "kisses" (aka: yucky licks across the face). So October 20 this year was not spent in a way that the past couple October 20s have been spent but it was a good day. A productive day. A day of reliving and remembering. And looking forward with a huge smile on my face: grateful for what I've been through, a stronger and better person today than the years before, amazed and blessed for what I have found in my life- my work, my home, my friends, my family, my astounding new boy, my rich past, and mostly, the future that is looking brighter and brighter than ever. 
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