(note all pictures but the first two are courtesy of the amazing Tara of Red Thread Images).
Wow, it's already been a month, little man. It's simultaneously unbelievable how fast it's gone by and on the other hand, some moments have seemed to go on excruciatingly slow (you know, those moments when you just SCREAAAM like someone has sawed off your toes one by one and there is absolutely nothing we can do to save the toes. Yeah, those are the slow moments). We are lucky in that you are fairly easy to calm down and we've only had two nights were it was tempting to pull a Michael Jackson move and dangle you out the window to see if you'd stop the yelling. KIDDING. We'd never do that. But don't test your luck.
Speaking of screams, you were not happy to take your one month photo with Sam the moose. It was cranky morning and your mean mom made you pose for unwanted pictures.
The epitome of screaming! I almost think that your screams were too loud for even you as it looks here as if you were covering your ears.
By the way, can we talk for a second about your impeccable timing? Are you just a little show stealer? You HAD to come 10 minutes into our wedding anniversary. I think you planned this all along. And I think we are going to love you for the way you just bust in to life as if to say, "Here I am, nothing else matters!" And it's true, nothing else matters. Sharing our anniversary with your birthday makes August 19th even more special than it already was. You've added a missing piece to your dad and my relationship. You've enhanced it and you've made it stronger and every year as we reflect on our relationship, we'll also celebrate the day of your birth and how special and intertwined we all are.
We've spent the past month just looking at you, poring over the details of your body, wondering about who you look like and what you will be when you grow up. I remember I was in tears a few days in because I didn't want you to grow up. I wanted you to stay that tiny infant babe forever and did not want those moments to pass. But the more they passed, the more intrigued I became because I saw the changes in you. I saw you growing and becoming more alert and aware of your surroundings. I saw you start to interact with us and while I miss my tiny newborn baby, I am loving watching you grow and get excited for each new step you take, which seems to happen almost daily, right before our eyes.
You slept a lot your first week, well, minus the second night where you practiced using your lungs all night. I'm hoping you continue to be a rather good sleeper but we'll see how that goes as you seem to have regressed from that first week. It's as if there is too much to see and do now that you're in the world to bother with sleep. I had no concept of what it should be like but I do know I wouldn't complain if you wanted to start sleeping more consistently at night. I'd even be fine with 6 hours straight!
You love your poppy so much. You don't smile or coo or really interact much yet but it's obvious how much you love him. He is the one person that can pick you up and you just melt into him, as if his chest is the only chest that matters. He will always protect you and love you and keep you warm. I have a feeling that he will also wrestle with you and give you hell once you are old enough to roll around with him. I also have a feeling that he will be the first person to elicit huge belly laughs from you. He is going to be your hero. I have seen your pops as a father before and that is one of the reasons I fell in love with him but if it's possible, I've fallen even more in love with him watching him with you, our child. He is so gentle, loving, and at ease with you and he helps me with these things too. God knows there have been times where your dad is the only person that has saved me from an emotional breakdown (don't let us lie to you in the future and tell you having a baby is easy!) I think your dad is tired, though. Again, with the sleep thing...come on turtle, 6 hours!
Regardless of your erratic sleep schedule, we are so enamoured by you... by your giant big toes, big hands, red hair, big blue eyes, little squawky baby noises, funny faces you make at us. We have spent hours talking about what traits come from who. The red hair is a little mysterious, but even more mysterious is the fact that towards the end of the month, the top part of it started to fall out. By the end of your first month, you looked like a balding old man who could possibly model in a toupee commercial. You also grew SO much in just weeks, probably much in part to the fact that you eat like a horse. You went from a tall and skinny little peanut at birth, 8 pounds, 21.5 inches to an even bigger tall and skinny peanut at 9 pounds, 22.5 inches at your 3 week appointment (putting you in 95% for height and 25% for weight- tall and skinny).
You make us laugh multiple times a day. You don't know it yet but you're a pretty funny boy. I have never seen so many expressions from such a small baby but in your own way, it's how you communicate with us.
As a result of your already prevalent personality, there is never a day that goes by that we don't look at each other and thank each other for the little blessing that you are to us. (Is this getting too sappy? Are you makimg a face? Well, get used to it, I guess that's what moms are for).
You aren't really focusing or tracking anything yet but when your eyes are open you look very thoughtful and wise. I wonder what is going on in that brain of yours...
...sometimes I'm sure you're wondering who these crazy people are who are talking to you and playing with you all day long.
Did I mention you HATE having your diaper changed? HATE IT. You scream like there's no tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that our neighbors might call the cops on us and we'll have to tell them, "I'm sorry officer, I was just changing a poopy diaper...it only SOUNDED like child abuse." Luckily, you do love baths, boobies and being held so if having your diaper changed is the one thing you can't tolerate, I'd say we are in pretty good shape.
You were quite the champ for your newborn pictures and we put you in ridiculous outfits and positions to capture your first few days of life. You modeled your dad's preemie hat and an afghan that my grandma made me without complaint. It made for some great pictures:
We were also able to have your brothers meet you for the first time. I can't wait until you are old enough to run around and play with them. You are going to love them just as much as you love your pops and I have a feeling they will always have a little tag a long at their sides. You will want to do everything that they do.
It's pretty special to add you to our family because you feel like the link that combines us all. We were a family before but with you, we are even more of a complete family.
Every day I look at you, little O-e-o and I am somewhat astounded that you've made it another day under my care. I find it to be a small miracle that you are alive and not just alive, but thriving. I worried a lot about not knowing what I was doing in the last weeks of pregnancy and really, the truth is, I am IGNORANT, Owen. I mean totally ignorant. I have no idea what I'm doing and don't tell anyone I told you that...we'll just all pretend like I have a clue. But really? I'm clueless. I had to realize (quickly, and with a gentle reminder from your pops) that you had a floppy neck and I had to support it. I had never changed one diaper until you came along. Not one. I'm getting pretty good at it now although it took me a week or so to remember to tuck your little penis down so that I didn't get peed on (and trust me, I got peed on more times than I can count this month... for the most part due to diaper failures on my part). I'm pretty sure that the "mother's instinct" was a bit lost on me because I really have been in trial and error mode this past month to figure out how to be your mom- what you need and what you don't need, what to do and what not to do. Some things have been natural so maybe I do have SOME mom instinct but some things have just been a learning process. I have forgotten your diaper bag a zillion times (including one long trip to Leavenworth) but have now after a month gotten to the point where it's clicked that, oh, hey, I have a baby, MIGHT. NEED. SUPPLIES. We've also gone through the whole boobie fail experience together where my boobie blew up in to a nasty all out infection and then abscess. You were truly amazing through it all though- you continued to nurse on that breast without complaint and you tolerated the antibiotics reasonably well (now if you could please stop having green poops so I could eat something different than rice, turkey and sweet potatoes, I would love it!) This whole boob experience pretty much dominated the last couple of weeks of your first month in dealing with it and in being in more pain than I thought imaginable. Many people told me to quit breast feeding altogether but I fought for it... let this be a lesson to you- I promise to ALWAYS fight for what I believe is good for you.
Regardless of the fact that I have not one clue what I'm doing as a mom, I'm learning... with you. You've made me a mother and that right there is the biggest and best gift you could ever give to me. The weight of just what that means stops me in my tracks sometimes. The one thing that means to me, and will always mean to me, is that I love you more than you'll ever know, than I ever even fathomed I could, and somehow it's only getting stronger every day. And really, I think that one fact right there is all that either of us really NEEDS to know in all of this....the rest we'll figure out as we go along this journey together.
Love,
your tired but happy mom
