A productive Saturday

It's one of my two last free Saturdays before busy season- possibly the last one, given I have an audit starting next week- and I had it all to myself. It has been so much fun... well, at least fun in terms of feeling very productive.

-Woke up.
-Watched CNN for a half an hour just to get my fill of the latest election info as well as economy info since the past two weeks I've been MIA. In between study sessions I barely managed to see the results of the Iowa and New Hampshire caucuses.
-Showered.
-Checked email, responded to emails. Finally.
-Stopped at Starbucks
-Shopping. Had to buy things that I had run out of over the course of the past two weeks but had not had time to run and do. This included groceries, makeup, etc. Kind of essential stuff. I also made a stop to get treats for the kittens. I bought organic treats. Apparently they don't like organic. It was kind of funny but I felt bad.
-Came home and cleaned my whole place. I mean like deep cleaning. It needed it. I love a clean house more than anything.
-Did laundry.
-Organized my whole closet. I have a rather large bag of clothes for goodwill. This took like 3 hours.
-Watched the Seahawks lose to the Packers in between organizing and cleaning.
-Posted on my blog.

And it's now it's 5pm... Time to enjoy the night. Hope everyone had a happy Saturday!

Ah....

I had a very vivid dream last night that I was lying on some beach (Hawaii, maybe? Cali?), in a bikini, soaking up the sun, walking around in flip flops. It was one of those dreams that just kind of sticks with you throughout the next day.

I don't think this was a sign that I need a vacation or anything... the thing that was most prevalent in the dream was how warm and nice the sun felt. I think it needs to be about 80 and sunny here today... I wonder how likely that is.... So far, no sun. And about 50. Probably not going to happen.

Maybe tomorrow? Or maybe I'll just have to keep dreaming... until about July. Unless I make a trip back to Phoenix before then. Hmmm...

Not always wanting to talk about the serious stuff... but here we go.

Yesterday night I found out that one of our friends in college was in a very bad car accident on the way to work, so bad that the last I heard was serious or critical condition. I wasn’t extremely close to this person but the way that things work when you go to a small school or live in a small town is that everyone and everything is relatively close. Graceland is such a tight knit community that you find yourself making connections with people just solely because you experienced Graceland at one point or another, not necessarily because you knew someone while you were AT Graceland. I have already decided after being out of Lamoni for 4 years that I will probably experience this “Graceland connection” thing with people I have never met for the rest of my life. That’s how prevalent it’s been even in just the past 4 years when I’ve lived in places no where even close to Iowa. And while you are at Graceland, you basically know everything about everyone and vice versa. It’s just the nature of a small, closely knit campus and community. It’s actually pretty cool. I could not and would not ever choose to live in a small town again but I am glad for the college experience I had in one.

In these types of communities, news spreads. People are aware. When stuff was going on in my personal life, I was irritated and annoyed by the fact that everyone seemed to KNOW. I got several phone calls of “I heard this…,” “Is it true?” And I would sit there baffled… how does someone in Texas, New York, Iowa, wherever know about very personal details about my life in Arizona?? But, like I said, it’s just the nature.

Needless to say, I did hear relatively quickly about the news of this friend yesterday. I don’t need to go into graphic details here or to say how horrible it is because 1) I don’t think it’s the forum to discuss intricate details and 2) saying how horrible it is would be just redundant and obvious.

I can say that when stuff like this happens… to anyone, in any form… it really makes you think about what’s important in life. That sounds sappy but it is true. I mean how crazy is it to think that one second you’re driving along to work and the next second you are about this close to not ever going to work again? You don’t ever think that anything like this will happen to you or to anyone you know but when it does hit close to home, it’s kind of like someone takes you by the shoulders, shakes you hard and yells in your face, “WAKE UP! LIVE! Life is short! Be aware!” It kind of makes you evaluate or re-evaluate your life just to make sure that every moment you’re living now is the moment that you want it to be and that every person in your life now knows how much they mean to you. It also makes you kind of let go or just realize that some of the small things you sometimes dwell on (ahem, CPA exam) are not really that important in the grand scheme.

In the past two years my life has gone through some significant transformations. I have never really discussed my feelings about anything on this website mainly because the feelings were too raw and too personal to share in a format like this. It just didn’t seem right. Plus, there have been many, many people that have disagreed with my actions and the path that I decided to take. To talk about why I made some of the choices I made here seemed to be just an extended form of an argument with all of these people who either didn’t agree with me, didn’t support me, or flat out thought I was wrong, rude, ignorant, whatever the descriptive words were… and I know there were plenty floating around. Needless to say these people aren’t really in my life anymore. I guess I could use the same descriptions on them but it isn’t really worth my time. It has always amused me, though, that these people, the least supportive and the ones no longer in my life, were also the least invovled and unaware of the situation. They just judged. The people who did support me got me through it and as much as other people don’t want to believe it, it was hard for me and to just say it that simply is the only way I can say it because I can never fully explain to anyone what form of hell it was like in much of the process… for the past two years up through changing my life so drastically to move to Seattle.

There were days I wanted to turn the clock back so far it felt like I would have to go back to second grade to get things right again. At the time, two years ago, I felt like I was fighting for the greater good, without anyone supporting me or understanding that I wasn’t just crazy. I tried to do everything with some form of grace but I know that I failed miserably in that respect. It just doesn’t happen like that. I cannot look back and say that I was always proud of who I was at the time, only that I tried to do everything in a way that was both respectful and graceful. Some people do not understand and to these people I can only say how very sorry I am. I never set out to hurt anyone in the way that I did. I am hopeful that someday it all makes sense and people do not see me for the hurt that I caused but instead that I really was doing what was best for me and what I thought was the best for everyone involved.

The point of all this is that horrible events like what happened to this guy I knew in college do make you evaluate your life. I am a living testament to the fact that if something isn’t working in your life, if something doesn’t feel right or if you are not ultimately happy, you can and you have to do something about it. It is hard. It is still hard for me… two years later. You do live with the decisions you make. But if you make the right ones and learn from the missteps, it’s worth it. Today I live in Seattle. Today I know that making the tough decisions got me here, to a better place, to a place where I feel independent, strong, loved, and most importantly happy. It is not always easy but when you encounter the fact that life really is so short you must make the decisions to get your life to the point that it should be… and now.

There is no excuse to stay in a situation just because that’s what everyone else thinks you should do or it makes sense in a variety of ways except the one most important to you… the one where you feel right about it. Life is too short to just sit around hoping things will happen to you or that things will get better and you’ll just magically start to feel happy. You have to just get out there and make what you want out of your life to enjoy it to its fullest. I did. And I walk around now knowing that it is possible to feel happy, to feel confident in choices, to not feel like there has to be any defense of the decisions made and in that respect, to not really care so much about what other people think because you know deep down you did the best you could, with the choices you made in the circumstances you had. At the end of the day you feel peace about your life and that you are where you are supposed to be. And that’s really what it’s all about.

In the meantime, just say a little prayer, do meditation, chant a mantra, throw some good thoughts out to the universe- whatever you do- to my friend from Graceland across the country. I sincerely hope he will be ok.

I have so much to write about...once I can think again.

I spent the better part of my day today taking the financial accounting part of the CPA exam and the better part of the last two weeks studying for it. Two seconds ago I almost forgot how to spell financial accounting because my brain is so over trying to function at a high capacity. It was so over it that I basically crashed... hard... after the exam today.

Last night at around 11pm when I was getting ready to go to bed after studying for about 15 hours Saturday and at least 8 Sunday and yesterday, it occurred to me that 1)I might try to find a new profession if I don't pass this part of the exam solely because I do not think that I want to give up any more effort and large time periods of my life studying for stuff like debt securities, that honestly, I could care less about. I am an accountant but knowing stuff like that (times about 200 in 400 different subjects) is not. my. job. Why don't the people at the cpa exam get this?! Oh course I will finish (mom). I just hope to god I pass. 2) It also occurred to me that I might be slightly jealous of computers. I mean if I could just download all of this stuff into my brain in about 2 minutes it would be much more time efficient. And I'd never forget it. Hmmm...

I'll write more later.

Happy New Year!

Hope everyone had a safe and happy last day of 2007 and first day of 2008...

Quote of the day today, explaining my first day of 2008: "What? I only drove head on into traffic for a little bit."

Happy holidays! (And Happy Birthday, Dad)!

This entry is wishing everyone a very merry christmas and a happy new year... and a happy birthday to my dad (today!)

Here, there and everywhere.

I spent last week in Anchorage, Alaska. It's kind of bizarre that I was up there this week because it was the exact same week I was up there last year. But this year I was up for an entirely different reason than last year. I live in a different place, I work for a different company, I know different people. I think last year if I had known what the future year from that point held, I might not have ever wanted to leave Alaska and just hibernated there for a while. But, then again, maybe I am lying because if I would have hid out in Alaska, although I would have missed the bad, I would have completely missed the good and there was so much good in this past year.

My time in Alaska this year was rather uneventful and mostly involved me working rather hard, freezing my freaking butt off in almost zero degree temps (walking outside looking at projects for 6 hours does not help the freezing factor), seeing old friends, and becoming closer to new friends that were working with me up there. I remained amazed at the purity that Alaska has to offer. Every time I have visited, I feel some sort of serenity. It is so pure and beautiful and has some sort of pristine grace that is hard to find in many other places...even in the winter when it is only light out for 5 hours a day.

The night I flew in from Alaska, I had a bottle of my favorite pinot noir, fresh salmon and basil pasta, and fresh green beans waiting for me at home. Who can really complain about that? Granted it was 10:30 at night when I walked in the door but it was amazing, nonetheless, and exactly what I needed after a long week of work.

Saturday morning, we were off and running again back to the airport to catch a flight to Reno, NV. Reno is not pristine or pure or beautiful. Sorry if that offends anyone but I just don't really love that city. I do love Tahoe though and it did not disappoint this time, either. We stayed in a cabin in the north lake and drove to south lake for dinner and a concert the first night. I ended up dancing on stage at the concert. Basically, we were in the front row and the crowd was so energetic that I was getting pushed all over. So I got to go up onstage and dance. It was so much fun... and definitely not something I can say I've ever done before especially with anyone remotely famous.

Sunday morning, we, er, Tim, ended up saving some kids life. It's so funny how timing works out. People always say that you end up in the right place at the right time and I have to believe this happens more often than not. That morning we took our time getting moving and decided to go out for breakfast sometime around mid morning. Driving down from the cabin, we saw the lake in all its glory and decided abruptly to alter our plans to go take pictures. When we arrived at the shore we saw two people on the ground. We weren't sure what was going on and realized that one of them was having a seizure. To make a long story short, this 18 year old kid from Brazil fell and hit his head on ice, hard enough to have seizures for 3 minutes, to lose consciousness, to become unresponsive, etc. Tim had to open up his airway and stabilize him while I sprinted to call 911 to get medics with drugs/tools on the scene. It is just so astounding to think that we were there because the guys' friend did not have a cell phone on him and there was absolutely no one else around. Things like this make me believe that every action happens in the exact right moment, in the way that it's supposed to. If we had been there either 30 seconds before or after we were (or not at all) the outcome could have been very different. We, er, I was pretty shaken up for the rest of the day Sunday as I don't really have to deal with that kind of stuff very often... well, ever.

The rest of the weekend in Tahoe was spent exploring, shopping a bit, playing in the snow, eating, drinking, warming up in front of the fire and just enjoying each other's company in the woods... finally having a few days to relax, recoop, and reenergize.

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The guy on the left is named "Roadkill." Literally. I kid you not. I checked his ID. He was absolutely hilarious. I work with the guy on my right. He's ok too.

My alaskan friend and I... DJ James! We met a year ago when I was in Alaska. He's a very cool guy.

After dancing on stage at the concert. Hopefully the guy doesn't remember me for either how sweaty I was in this picture or for my dancing. Although Tim says I was awesome. I'm not sure I believe him.

Timmy and I at the beautiful lake... on the southwest side at Emerald Bay.

Freezing. And windy. But so snowy and pretty.

Are there any words?

And again. Picturesque.

Santa, baby! We stopped at a fire station in south lake tahoe that was hosting a santa booth thing. We actually stopped because a) they had a fire engine completely decked out in Christmas lights and we wanted a picture and b) we needed advice on where to eat. Turns out we got to sit on Santa's lap as an added bonus.

Cute little wooded cabin.

SNOW!

50% done.

Just found out I passed the second section of the CPA exam that I took up here in Washington. So far, two for two up here. Ah, how sweet it is... I'm finally starting to see the finish line. It's definitely nice to put in the time studying and to just pass the first time around. I don't know why I didn't get around to really doing this before... like four years ago. Anyway, now I'm just waiting on one score, and I take the final section January 8.

I have lots to update on... I just got back from 5 days in Alaska followed by 4 days in Tahoe, Cali. Will write more later...