Saturday, September 19, 2009

The story of why we shouldn't have kids.

So. To begin.

As we were leaving for our North Cascades drive (see here for documentation of the drive), we took what felt like FOREVER getting ready. Seems to be this way ever since we got the puppy... make sure we have puppy toys, puppy bed, puppy poop bags. You know, to TAKE CARE OF HER. Because I am an animal abuser so making sure she is comfortable is just one form of abuse that I like to practice.

And then after getting things ready for Miss Bella, since it's going to be a long drive- stuff for us. Do we want to hike? Take shoes. Is it going to be cold in the mountains? Get hats. Picnic? Pack food. I mean seriously? To get out the door feels like it takes an act of god. It blows my mind to even think about adding kids to this mix. Did I seriously just write that publicly? DELETE DELETE DELETE. The thought alone scares the living crap out of me and not just for the sheer fact that it would take us YEARS to go even on a drive. And hiking? Well, ha. We'd JUST get to the hike and then have to sleep in the car because it would already be night since it would take us all day to get there, so we'd sleep in the car that night so that we could hike the next day and the next thing you know, we'd be arrested for child endangerment for sleeping in the car. And then we'd have created these people that have serious emotional issues because we'd be in prison and they'd be in foster care or WORSE! with crazy relatives (wait, did I just say that too? What is my problem today?!) And anyway, it would just be a bad, bad situation. All because of trying to get out the door to go on a hike.

I mean, it already takes forever with just us and a dog. I can only deduct what it would be like with well, you know, that word I can't say or think about because it freaks me out too much (rhymes with lids). Lucky for me: problem solved! We shouldn't have them anyway. Phew. Just when I was starting to get really freaked out.

So.

Onto the story.

We packed everything and were FINALLY out of the house. By 9:30am. Not really a significant feat given we'd be up since 6am. But we did chill and drink tea for an hour or so. Anyway, that's beside the point. We were getting ready to take off and had the thought that it would be nice to hike. So when that happens, cue mental checklist: Hike=shoes. Check! So I get our hiking shoes which we keep in the garage and start to put them in the backseat of the car. Tim says, "Wait, no I was going to put them back here with Bella." Ummmm... dog+shoes? Not sure that's a great idea. In fact, I think that is a horrible idea. I say as much to him. He says, "well, we've never had a problem before and I think she likes to lay on them." Mmm hmm. Ok....

GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT.

Crazy enough, boxers get bored (shocker). When they get bored, they chew. GUESS WHOSE SHOES GOT CHEWED?!

Yours truly, correct. If you guessed that, go buy yourself a latte.

When we got to the ranger station to pee and get maps like I mentioned in my North Cascades post, we open the trunk to tie Bella up just while we are inside. Why? Well, other than the fact that this is another way we like to abuse her (you know, taking her with us and all), we just thought we'd restrain her from eating our little picnic lunch. WE ARE GOING TO HELL. If there are any animal activists reading this, I'm sure that tying up the dog in the trunk, to mitigate her from eating our PB&J or apples OR STEERING WHEEL, while keeping the windows open on a beautiful 60 degree day in the MOUNTAINS FOR FIVE MINUTES (ok, maybe it was SEVEN minutes because I washed my hands really well) is surely a form of animal abuse.

So.

We go to tie her up to abuse her more and what do we find? MY CHEWED UP SHOE. Well. I look at Tim. He looks down. Well. I guess I win that one. Chalk it up. I am not a happy camper.

You may think that shoes are not a big deal but here is why this is a big deal: I do not want to replace my hiking shoes. Why? Because it took all willpower I had to spend $100 on THE UGLIEST SHOES EVER. Did I say EVER? EVER. Wow, I should take it easy with the caps. They are ugly. And I never thought that I would spend $100 on ugly shoes. But WOW are they awesome for hiking. But since we don't hike everyday, they should be perfectly capable to hold up for YEARS. Even once we have kids and then try to hike but go to prison instead. Ahem, mug shot shoes? Maybe. Ok, I'm trying to stay on track. Back to story: point is- she chewed my shoes. Bad, bad puppy.

So we run in, pee, wash hands (washed them well, like I said- I'm developing a germ phobia as I get older...or maybe just because everyone I know is sick. Another post entirely) and we grab maps of the road so that we know where the points of interest/hikes are. NOTE: These maps are just sitting on the counter so we literally just grab them.

We open up the trunk to the car 6.5 minutes (average) after this. I'm sitting in the passenger seat as Tim is going to take Bella to pee too (again, ABUSE! WE LET OUR DOG PEE!) And he notices that the little brat (aka: bored puppy) chewed the strap off the whole foods bag where we had packed our little picnic. I hear him say: "WHAT IN THE HELL?"

And I jump out of the car saying, "What did she do??"

He's walking off to take her pee and I notice the strap. I say out loud, "What is wrong with her?" (Even though, as I know my dog, I know she's just bored of being in the damn car! She is a puppy for the freaking love of god).

All of a sudden (I wish there was a music function here... I'd cue it).... I hear a lady's voice (and I start to feel massive deja vu....) "Well, she's probably just mad at you for leaving her in the car."

Note here: we parked on the sunnier side of the parking lot. Why? Because it was 60 degrees on the top of the mountain which is COLD for dogs that don't have much fur. Our dog LOVES to lay in the sun. Crazy enough, we know her.

So this crazy bitch continues: (seriously, where do these people come from and how do they always find me?!) "Why did you have to park in the sun? Why couldn't you have parked in the shade?" (Note: again, 60 degrees, dog was SHIVERING from COLD because of open windows. Are you SHITTING ME).

At this point my jaw is hitting the ground, disabling my speech. I am dumbfounded by the fact that there is more than one stupid, meddling bitch in the world. I guess I should just get used to it.

I say, "Lady, it was only 5 minutes. The dog is just bored because we've been in the car all day."

She continues: "Would you leave your kids in the car?" (No, different story and as a sidenote, I don't also believe that kids=dogs OR that kids would chew up my shoes...but anyway....) "Would you treat your kids like this, HUH?? HUH?? Why are you so irresponsible?" Not sure how irresponsible comes from taking a piss for 5 minutes and dogs aren't allowed in the ranger station anyway!!!

Tim hears this going on and comes back over in my defense since I am somewhat flabbergasted by it all and I'm not even really sure what to say or why I'm getting attacked for doing nothing wrong, well, aside from the obvious animal abuse. OBVIOUSLY.

He says in a very calm voice (probably, I would guess, how he talks to his patients-especially the repeat patients who abuse the system to get painkillers), "Don't talk to my wife like that. You don't know us, don't judge us like that. We did nothing wrong."

And THEN her husband gets involved. I'm not sure of how the exact attack went from that point on other than Tim being calm and telling them to not talk to us like that and them SCREAMING (I kid you not) "DO NOT EVER HAVE KIDS. NEVER. YOU NEED TO GROW UP GROW UP GROW UP."

Well.

Ok.

If anyone overheard these people, you would have thought we were taking a whip and beating the hell out of the dog. (Just for the record, unless you didn't notice, this post is DRIPPING with sarcasm and in all seriousness, we have never, nor will never abuse our animal. We love her (and the cats) like they are members of our family... which you would know just by looking at the past few months' posts....)

It's weird that we were being told to grow up when we are just minding our own business, not judging people and taking care of ourselves AND THE DOG (the insanity we possess by actually taking care of her!) while tolerating (nicely, I might add, especially when it wasn't warranted) attacks from crazy, insane, stupid people. Ahem.

And then, next thing you know, I LET THESE PEOPLE AFFECT ME. Which almost makes me more mad than anything because they were simply not worth it. I am in the car, shaking, crying. I just don't get how people can be so mean, so judgemental. When SERIOUSLY!!! Hello, don't these people read my blog? I'm so in love with that silly puppy all I ever DO is take care of her and write about her and think about her and TRY TO PUT HER AND HER NEEDS FIRST. And to tell me that I'm doing a horrible job and that I shouldn't have kids?

Oh, the tears. They wouldn't stop. I wasn't even having a hormonal week. It was bizarre. And no, not pregnant- much to these people's liking, I assume.

Like I said before, I respect people that look out for animals, I really do. But I think that there is one way of delivering a message without sounding like a judgemental whore ESPECIALLY when you only see about 2.5 seconds of our life and our dogs life. I might be guilty of judging people but I would hope that I would take a step back to think, "Maybe I'm not seeing the whole picture here." Never would I blatantly, rudely attack someone like that. I mean SERIOUSLY. I don't know where these people come from.

Sigh.

So, that is the story of why we shouldn't have kids. The other title would be: "Another rant on the crazy stupid bitches that exist in this world."

And pictures of our poor little abused puppy (again, SARCASM, for all you slower folks out there):


Here she is posing by her new favorite "toys."

And again..... obviously not interested in the slightest in this picture.

Daddy and Bells. Sometimes we call her jingle bells.... or school bells... or cow bells... or bell bells.

And when we do that little game of playing with her name, she starts howling. It is probably the cutest thing ever. Too bad we are such horrible puppy parents (SARCASM). Oh, and for the record, when we DO have kids, which we will, I cannot say exactly what they will be like or who they will be but I do know this: we will be the best parents we can possibly be, we will teach them to never exhibit the rudeness that these people showed to us, and most importantly- we will love them more than anything.

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