Daily Owen: 11.30.2012

Owen sleeping away while I was at work... so peaceful.

Daily Owen: 11.29.2012

Owen looking all dapper in orange when we went for a playdate with buddies Olivia and Griffin.

Daily Owen: 11.28.2012

Owen's newest trick: rubbing his face, particularly his eyes, and especially when he is tired. Pretty cute.

Daily Owen: 11.27.2012

Owen's second flight ever went fabulously... in fact, he spent the majority of it looking like the above picture.

Daily Owen: 11.26.2012

Owen all dapper and dressed for Grandma's funeral. Such a stud.

Thankful in November: Day #26

Today I said goodbye to my grandma. I still can't really write about it fully for some reason but eventually I will. Even though I've already used this once, I am so grateful to have known her.

Thankful in November: Day #25

Today I am thankful for my extended family. I have so many great aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins, great aunts, great uncles... and related I also have a whole slew of relatives on Justin's side that consider family. We are so blessed to have such a great group of people around us.

Daily Owen: 11.25.2012

Today we toured my grandma's old house for one last time. She hasn't lived there since 1993, but I have so many fond memories growing up there. It was bittersweet to be there but mostly sweet. I was so happy that Owen and Justin got to be there in the place that held so many memories for me. Above is a picture of Justin and Owen in the same place where my grandma used to stand and wave to us as we pulled in.

Daily Owen: 11.24.2012

Owen on our way to Springfield today at one of my favorite stops as a kid- Osceola cheese! He's too young to think it's as cool as I once did but at least we can tell him he's been to what used to be one of my favorite places to go.

Thankful in November: Day #24

Today as I woke up in my old house in Blue Springs, I was very thankful to be able to be with family during a difficult time. It was sunny and as we prepared to go to Springfield for the funeral, I was just really grateful to be here.

Thankful in November: Day #23

Today I am thankful that a) we have the capability for air travel that allows us to be with family in a matter of hours and b) that we didn't die from a crazy out of control baby on our way to Kansas City today.

Daily Owen: 11.23.2012

Owen's first flight ever... above- all ready to go. He did GREAT. Slept the whole way with not really a peep at all. Phew! (That being said, traveling with a kid is WAY harder than traveling without one...duh, but really... it was incredible how much crap we had to bring).

Daily Owen: 11.22.2012

Happy Thanksgiving from our little turkey!

Thankful in November: Day #22

Today clearly, I am reflecting most on all of the blessings we have- family, friends, home, health, happiness. Happy Thanksgiving!

Daily Owen: 11.21.2012

Love this guy.

Thankful in November: Day #21

Two days ago my grandma McDaniel passed away. While it was expected, it is never an easy thing to lose a loved one. I haven't posted about it on here or on facebook because I really can't find the words yet to really describe my feelings adequately. So, I'll just put a little thankful post out there today that I am thankful to have known her and to have had her presence touch my life in ways that I hope to somehow describe in a way that does them even an ounce of justice.

Daily Owen: 11.20.2012

Owen spent the day with our nanny, Sandra, and then poppy as it was my first day back to work. The above picture is courtesy of Justin... in Owen's FOURTH outfit of the day. Apparently I miss all the fun, er, blowouts!

Thankful in November: Day #20

Today was my first day of work after maternity leave. I had 3 months off work and while I loved the time I had with Owen, I was actually ready to go back to work today (HELLO MOMMY GUILT). I felt terrible leaving him but even more terrible that I was READY and WANTING to be at work and using my brain again. I do like my job quite a bit and it was invigorating to be back at it. Bonus was that I came home to a sweet baby and loving husband who greeted me with open arms. Who says you can't have it all?

Daily Owen: 11.19.2012

THREE MONTHS OLD TODAY. Related: How?!?!

Thankful in November: Day #19

Today it dumped rain. DUMPED rain. I was thankful today that we maintained electricity, heat, and also that we have a little thing called umbrellas. And also: waterproof coats.

Daily Owen: 11.18.2012

These aren't the "official" pictures but here's a little sneak peak of Owen's first meeting with Santa yesterday. He did great- no tears- and was mostly just supremely freaked out and wide eyed the whole time. Regardless, it was pretty cute.

Thankful in November: Day #18

Today I'm thankful for rainy days. I'm partly trying to convince myself that it's ok that I've been sitting on my butt for the better part of 2 days but mostly, it's been nice. Lots of cuddle time with the little guy and avoiding going out in the cold rain. Sometimes these types of days are exactly what's needed to slow down and relax a little. Lucky for us, we get them a lot this time of year in the pacific northwest!

Daily Owen: 11.17.2012

Owen was REALLY excited when I told him that it was his uncle Jon's birthday today AND that he got to go meet Santa with his big brothers.

Thankful in Novemer: Day #17

Today I am thankful for my brother Jon. It's his 28th birthday (HOLY CRAP, HOW?!) He is not a man of many words so we don't speak that often since we live so far apart, but when we are together, it is like no time has passed. I know that he will always have my back no matter how near or far apart we are, even if he doesn't always respond to my emails or texts. I know I tortured him a fair amount when we were kids but I like to think that somehow part of that made him the patient, giving person that he is today. Happy birthday, Jon, I love you.

Daily Owen: 11.16.2012

Owen: WIDE AWAKE at 6am after my best attempts to explain how awesome sleep is or if not sleep, just cuddling while mama sleeps. He didn't care and after a half an hour of this, we gave him his wishes and started playing.

Thankful in November: Day #16

Today I'm thankful for the strength of my body. It's been an amazing journey to go from extrememly fit to pregnant to trying to get fit again with the whole birth thing in between. If nothing else, I've learned that my body is so strong. It is truly amazing.

Daily Owen: 11.15.2012

Owen had another playdate today- this time with his buddies Griff and Olivia. It's amazing to watch Owen and Olivia since they are so close in age- you can really track their development together. Griff is still too young to get down on the floor with them (he's only 2 weeks) but soon enough he'll be right by their side. Too cute.

Thankful in November: Day #15.

Today I am thankful for the girlfriends I have in my life. I have quite the great group of girlfriends up here in Seattle, many of which have just experienced this crazy ride of pregnancy and now motherhood in conjunction with me. I can't even say how much it has meant to experience this with them. I also have several good girlfriends back in Kansas City, friends who you see again after a substantial amount of time and it's like no time has passed at all. I'm forever grateful for all of my friends but my girlfriends in particular are amazing- you know who you are!

Thankful in November: Day #14

Today is sort of another first world thankfulness but, nonetheless, here we go. I am very thankful for things like my washer/dryer and dishwasher. I was thinking today as I was (rather unsuccessfully) trying to do dishes, laundry, pick up around the house, get myself out the door, AND manage the baby that I have no idea how people used to do it before modern appliances. I mean, I guess there probably wasn't AS much laundry or dishes so it wasn't as daunting and I guess that was all women did aside from watching the kids but still. That would have been madness.

Daily Owen: 11.14.2012

This was technically yesterday but I'd already posted a daily picture yesterday and it was too cute not to share. Owen snoozing on me and his pops in the background fast asleep. Ah, love my boys.

Referendum 74.

So. Same sex marriage. It seemed to be one of the big social debates in this years' election, really nationwide but especially in the state of Washington where it was up for vote. My personal opinion is that my friends (and people who I don't know, of course) should be entitled to the same rights I have as a heterosexual in a married relationship. HOWEVER, that is my opinion and I understand that many people have a different opinion. My issue with this comes when people display their opinion in a manner that is hurtful to those involved.

Case in point: people who were against ref. 74 were camped out on a freeway overpass every day for the past month leading up to the election. They had kids up there, they were decidedly anti-gay, and it was completely inappropriate and derogatory. In fact, it was so bad one day that I flipped them off and I would have done the same if these people were FOR same sex marriage but were displaying their opinions in a way that was hurtful to those who disagreed with their stance, EVEN THOUGH I agree with their principle.

What boggles my mind and what I just don't understand why we live in a world where compassion and tolerance seem to be things that just sound good in theory but aren't really practiced by all. Why we can't all just get along DESPITE our differences instead of letting our differences define us and spread us further apart? My hope is that someday- for this country and more specifically for my children- we live in a world where compassion, tolerance, and love drive people to display how they feel. I felt like the people against ref 74 were only displaying their feelings in the way they were because they were either scared of or just had pure hatred towards gay people, either of which is just sad.

Fast forward to the end of the story- Same sex marriage passed in the state of Washington, which in my opinion is awesome. It means that a whole lot of us believe that gay couples deserve every right that we, as heterosexual married couples, have. I realize a lot of people truly believe that marriage should be a man and a woman and that's fine- I respect that- but ultimately, my personal opinion is that same sex couples are just as valid as heterosexual couples (having said that, I will also never display that opinion in a derogatory way)...

All of that being said, I'm glad the election is over. It was bad for my blood pressure to drive under that underpass every day. Hatred breeds hatred and every day I just got more and more pissed off...to the point where I was wondering if I could chuck a water balloon or something through my sunroof as I drove under the underpass (I know, ridiculous). It is truly my hope and prayer that as we enter a time where more social issues like this are brought to the forefront, that people start to become MORE tolerant and less hateful.

All we really have in this world is each other and events like hurricane sandy make you realize that any day everything you have could be taken away. In this respect, there is no room for hatred and no point in wasting our time in displaying it. But, this has been proven time and time again in the past (IE: slavery) but somehow people seem to keep repeating history, albeit with different issues. Again, if we could all just become a little bit more compassionate and tolerant, we might actually change the course of history. We might actually move forward just a little bit instead of staying stagnant and continuing to promote hatred and intolerance... no matter what the issue is.

Daily Owen: 11.13.2012

New trick: BALANCING!

Thankful in November: Day #13.

Today I am thankful for the little encounters in life that remind me that people of my past are somehow watching over me. I ran in to a little old lady at the grocery store who had bright crayola yellow hair (looked as if she was having a late life 85 year old crisis and tried to go blonde but instead had an accident with a canary yellow crayon...) who was asking about my coat, my boots, and my jeans. Minus the crazy hair, she looked like she could have been my dad's mom's twin sister and even sounded like her too. I might be a little senile myself (hello, baby brain and still catching up from lack of sleep!) but I almost thought this was someone greater than me reminding me of my grandma and that whether I know it or not, she's always with me. It was a good reminder that despite the pain of death, there might just be something in the afterlife. I have one remaining living grandma who is fairly close to leaving this world and I was very close to her. Having this encounter today somehow made me feel much more at peace with her imminent passing.

Daily Owen: 11.12.2012

I caught this shot as we were hanging out at the gym today... mostly I was trying to catch the fact that HE HAS HAIR! You can sort of see the wisps on the top of his head above... he is no longer looking like a balding old man. Good step in the right direction, kid!

Thankful in November: Day #12.

Today I was thinking that I am really thankful that I've been able to breastfeed Owen for as long as I have (and still going!) It's been SO hard but I am thankful that both of our bodies have found some sort of balance and have allowed me to nourish him for this long. I am also thankful that we live in a place where we are not starving so that I am able to give him the nutrients he needs. I made the comment to Justin the other day that it must be awful to live in a 3rd world country or something where moms don't have the nutrition they need so have a hard time nourishing their babies. I cannot even imagine. We are very lucky.

Daily Owen: 11.11.2012

It was COLD and wet here in Seattle today but we decided to take a little walk anyway. So, we got Owen all bundled up. He looked like a little marshmellow but I think he kind of liked it.

Thankful in November: Day #11

It's cliche and pretty much what everyone is posting today but I truly am thankful for all the vets who have served our country so that we can live the life we live. Thank you. Truly.

Daily Owen: 11.10.2012

It was COLD here in Seattle when we woke up this morning so Owen borrowed his poppy's hat. Little big but it keeps the ears warm (Owen's still trying to figure out what is on his head).

Thankful in November: Day #10

Today we woke up to weather that was frigid (in my opinion). It was high 20s, low 30s. FREEZING. My dear husband had set our heat to hold at 59 degrees, again FREEZING. However, as soon as I was up and moving around, I pulled on my uggs after a hot shower, I made myself a cup of tea and cranked the heat to 70 degrees. I realize that I am lucky. There are many people in the world who do not have these simple "luxuries" and would love just a blanket. I am thankful today that we are lucky enough to stay warm.

Daily Owen: 11.9.2012

We took a field trip today to go visit pops at the gym. I wasn't planning on working out due to a clogged boobie duct and feeling like utter misery, but I thought it would be good for both Owen and I to get out of the house. He was SO excited the second I put him in the carseat and was full of smiles and coos. Glad that we have a kid that enjoys getting out so much.

Thankful in November: Day #9

Today I had possibly the most clogged duct I have ever had and it came out of nowhere... to the point where I was bawling my eyes out and was shaking and cold like I had the worst fever in the world. (I would rather give birth any day, these things ARE that painful). I know I've already been thankful for my husband but today, he totally saved me. He got home from work and although he's not feeling like a rockstar himself, he rubbed my boobie for a half an hour to soften the clog. This allowed me to go take a shower and get it to fully unclog. Seriously do not know what I would do without him.

Daily Owen: 11.8.2012

Justin and I went to a luncheon today put on by one of his financial planning clients on the economic outlook for 2013 and forward. It was good PR for Justin and right up my alley as it is pretty relevant to conversations I will have with my clients once I am back to work. We left Owen with the nanny (more on that in another post- but hooray for finding a nanny!) and went out. Justin looked all dapper in a suit so of course I had to get a picture of my handsome men.

And if you are observant, yes, this is the same outfit from the other day on Owen. Why, you ask? Well 2.5 seconds before I walked out the door he had a massive blowout so I grabbed the clean clothes on top of the laundry pile that will be sitting there until we have time to put it away this weekend in an effort to not be my typical 10 minutes late that I realize always happens now with a baby. And also, yes, my baby is wearing baby uggs. I get enough eye rolls from my husband on this... I love my uggs because it's freaking Washington, it's cold here and they keep my feet warm.  SAME CONCEPT for babies. Don't judge.

Thankful in November: Day #8.

Today I am grateful that my pants fit. Yes, that is vain but I am very grateful for it (perhaps the bigger gratitude is that we are lucky enough to have clothes to put on our backs)... BUT in keeping with the vain theme- Justin and I were invited out to a big luncheon put on by one of his clients and it occurred to me this morning as I was getting ready that I had neglected to even remotely CHECK to see if my work pants fit or not. I am still about 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight so my heart sank when I realized my poor planning. BUT, they fit, albeit a little tightly and crisis averted. Very thankful.

Daily Owen: 11.7.2012

Owen had a playdate today with 4 of his buddies at his newest buddy Griffin's house. Olivia is the sole girl in the group and she looks like she is fending off all the boys above.

Thankful in November Day #7.

Today I am thankful to live in a country where, despite our disagreements on who should be president, we all seem to be expressing the same sediment that we should work together to make change. It is my hope and prayer that this actually happens. (And also, I am thankful to live in the progressive Washington state who looks like will approve same sex marriage and legalization of marijuana. More on that in another post- at least the same sex marriage thing- but I am glad that most people are tolerant of others and will grant them the same rights that heterosexual couples have).

Daily Owen: 11.6.2012

Ahhh, mom, this election stuff is SO EXHAUSTING (ok, actually it's the nursing stuff that's so exhausting).

Thankful in November: Day #6

Today I am thankful to live in a country where we CAN practice our freedom to vote. No matter what our differences of opinion are, at least we can have them. And regardless of our opinons on where this country is and where it should be headed, at least we can all have a voice.

A rare occasion.

Last night Justin and I had tickets to go see Wicked, the musical. We got all dallied up and left Owen with our good friend and headed out to Seattle. It was our first "real" date since Owen was born 11 weeks ago. It felt a little weird (in a VERY good way) to be out on the town without him. Not only was the musical absolutely AMAZING (seriously, LOVE), it was so nice to be out with just Justin without the baby. I really enjoy his company and I think date nights are the only way we are going to stay sane over the next 18 years!

Thankful in November: Day #5

Today I am just going to say I am thankful for daylight savings time although part of me wants to punch myself for all out lying. BUT. I am grateful for daylight savings time because it has caused my clockwork baby to wake up an hour early the past two days and this will help me get used to getting up earlier when I go back to work in 2 weeks. So, eff you daylight savings time right now (but I'm grateful that maybe in two weeks the transition will be easier!)

Daily Owen: 11.5.2012

Yesterday morning, we met a couple of friends and took Owen and Bailey to breakfast for our weekly breakfast date in Seattle (Oliver slept through it). Owen looks a little weird in the above picture, we'll call it his "milk coma" pose.

Thankful in November: Day #4

Today, I of course have to mention the other people in my life that mean so much to me- my parents who have given me everything and then some and who are entirely too far away, my little brother who is turning out to be quite a delightful young man, and all of my extended family and Justin's family, many of who we don't see often enough. I have always said that family doesn't have to be biological so included in this family is of course all of my friends who I know qualify as "family" in many respects- you know who you are!

Daily Owen: 11.4.2012

Justin has started to do this thing with Owen where he will sing "running, running, ruuuunning..." and then end with "YAY!" and fling Owen's arms wide open. Above is the YAY part. Usually Owen will laugh, in this picture he looks a little shocked... you mean the race is over?!

Thankful in November: Day #3

 Today I am thankful for 3 pretty wonderful young men. 

I met Bailey and Oliver several years ago when Oliver was 13 and Bailey was 14. When I first started to date Justin, a lot of people looked at me in fascination when I told them that he had two teenage boys. I could see the wheels turning in their heads pondering this one but to me, it was one of the reasons that I fell in love with Justin. Not only did I appreciate how great of a father he was to them, but I truly enjoyed both of these young men. They really are amazing people which is a testament to their mom and dad, and I feel like I am blessed that they are my step sons. I missed out on a large part of their child hood but I am glad that we've had the past few years to get to know each other and that we'll have many more to come. I love each of them for all that they are and everything that they add to this world and I can't wait to see where they go in life. In addition, they are pretty fabulous big brothers to baby Owen, too. I know that one day they are going to be Owen's heros and he is going to follow them around relentlessly.

Of course, I am also beyond thankful for my precious babe, Owen. I knew I loved him the day he was born and words do not even begin to describe how thankful I am to be his mom. It's a love unlike any I've ever experienced and in a lot of ways it makes me feel stronger towards Bailey and Oliver because I now know what it's like to be a true mom.

I'm pretty lucky to have such wonderful men in my life.

Daily Owen: 11.3.2012

Owen has consistently started to be able to put his hand in his mouth. He's working on getting his fingers in there. He's a little backwards though and hasn't found the thumb but does quite fancy his pinky finger.

Thankful in November: Day #2

I was going to write about something completely different today, but in light of the current events going on back east as a result of hurricane Sandy, I have to say that today I am very thankful for the things we often take for granted- warmth, power, a roof over our heads, food, and water. Thoughts and prayers go out to everyone on the east coast who are dealing with the aftermath of the hurricane.

Daily Owen: 11.2.2012

I put Owen down today to play on his playmat and walked away for a couple of minutes to grab some breakfast. When I came back I saw that he had kicked so hard, he kicked his pants off. Kid might be an incredible dancer... (also look at those chubby baby thighs!)

Month 2: Dear Owen,

Or, O-E-O (your nickname that was brought on from a ridiculous song I sang to you in your first month which helped you calm down. Your poppy started to call you o-e-o and now even our friends are calling you that. Poor kid, you are going to be so confused about what your name really is...) Anyway, Owen, O-E-O, turtle butt, little man cub, we've made it through another month. And the strides that you've made cannot be seen better than in your monthly shot with the moose:

Month 1, SCREAMING.

Followed by your month 2 outtakes:

Looking cute as all get out...

And again... in the middle of smiles that I couldn't catch on the camera, sadly!

But making faces at me like, COME ON, Mom, a moose, really?

And then finally just chillin in your model pose. If nothing else these pictures serve to show me that you are growing way too fast. STOP IT. (although don't bring back the screaming, please...I don't miss it).

At the beginning of this month you had a date with Olivia, your first sort-of girlfriend that ended with a punch to the face. It was still rather close to your first month (you were only 5 weeks) so you hadn't totally gotten the memo that you don't have to scream ALL of the time... so, you screamed THE WHOLE time Olivia and her mom were here. I like to say it's because Olivia wouldn't hold your hand but I think it was just your witching hour you developed as a newborn that you haven't totally grown out of.

You still love playing with your poppy. I think here he was singing the O-E-O song I invented and you started to learn at the beginning of your second month to try to mimic our mouths. So you would open your mouth in an O every time your pops did. You sort of look scared but I think you mostly like it.

I wish we could say that this month was the month of sleep and from the outset, you'd THINK you were a great sleeper. See examples:

Ha.Ha.Ha. I can just hear you laughing now although you don't quite know how to do that yet. Sleep was completely elusive this month. You totally regressed in the sleep department and I finally get what it means to feel a tired like I've never felt before. Also? TERRIBLE. Your dad and I spent the first part of the month as zombies. Hell, we might be sleep deprived for YEARS. I realize that last month asking for a 6 hour stint was just comical to you as you not only didn't do that (well, you did- ONCE), you started to only sleep for THREE hours at a time. Meaning we'd get about 45 minutes in between times when you were awake.

Luckily, you're pretty cute when you aren't sleeping...we see the above face a lot. It's as if you are like, come on guys, sleep is WAY overrated.

Sometimes we see the above face, but not as much as we used to although you consistently still have your "grumpy" time in the evening. Just in case I haven't mentioned it, we don't miss the screaming. You still practice using your lungs but now it's mostly because you are hungry or tired. You fight sleep like it's no one's business (see also: why we are sleep deprived). A part of me is amused by this fighting sleep thing because it means you are EXACTLY like me. I hate naps, even when I'm tired, and I never admit that I'm truly tired. I don't know why I'm like this but I am not entirely thrilled I passed this trait on to you. Maybe you'll grow out of it? Maybe you'll start to really be more like your brother Oliver, the master of sleep? Pretty please?

More screams!

Sometimes screams are pacified with a simple finger in the mouth. I'm not sure why but you love to suck on your pops' pinky finger and occassionally you'll take one of mine too, though you prefer his. I think if it's mine you get pissed off because you know I have the boobies and a  finger is just. not. the. same. MOM.

You are also sometimes pacified by rattles or rattle like noises (in the above case, a bottle of vitamin C). Hey, whatever works! We (well, I) had a MAJOR revelation this month in getting you to calm down... swaddling, ssshing, swinging you and giving you something to suck on (you know the "s's" that everyone talks about that helps to calm babies). I guess I'd ignored these tips and tricks before but tried them out this month and they TOTALLY worked on you (go figure, the new mom learns something from experienced pro-moms).

We took you on a few excursions this month to take advantage of the dwindling summer in Seattle. Another hike at St Edwards state park...

Your first "real" hike to the top of Rattlesnake ridge...

...(family shot!)

...a little wine and dinner at purple (one of our old go-to spots, old meaning before you)...

...of course there were still countless trips to the gym where you looked cute and did your own sort of work out while staying mesmerized by the lights and sounds of the gym. I think you are sort of the unofficial mascot there now...

...breakfast out in Seattle (though if we're being honest, this is sometimes more for the coffee/tea for your parents after a long night)...

We also watched a lot of football with you this month, as football season is in full swing. Sometimes you slept through every game (maybe this should be a trick we use at night?!)

And we had your last appointment with the midwives this month. We are going to miss them so much!

One more shot of you at the gym sleeping on your poppy.

Did I mention we have been working on getting you on a schedule this month to get you to sleep better? You are on a schedule now and sometimes take great naps like the above in your crib. Most times though the naps are only about 20 minutes and then you scream when you realize no one is around and holding you. But the schedule part is nice, just not the part of the schedule that keeps you consistently waking up every 3 hours, even at night. 

It also got kind of cold this month so we were able to break out one of your brothers' old fleeces. It was so cute to put you in something that both of them wore.

We had several dates with your new buddies, Charles and Olivia... a lunch date and a coffee date...

And we met your newest buddy, Carter, who was almost as big as you are now!

Your faces are out. of. control. cute. And getting progressively cuter as you become more expressive. You make the above face after sneezing or during hiccups. Speaking of, you do this funny thing where you sneeze in 2s or 3s and you get hiccups at the same time every night, like you used to in utero.

We're still working on your green poops which was, honestly, the biggest focus this month. Basically every other day I was second guessing what I was eating (which was about 5 different things) and adding things in/taking them out and altogether freaking out because at one point you had green poop with specks of blood so CLEARLY something was not working. We tried a crazy elimination diet coupled with some chrons disease natural intestinal treatment on me to see if it would pass on to you and calm your gut down with no luck. We tried only eating 4 foods. We tried only eating 4 different foods. We tried EVERYTHING. To no avail.

I KNOW... this was the exact face I made too as we were working through this (you totally have my faces and definitely my bottom lip). At one point I was convinced I should just stop breast feeding due to my boobie issues (I had another clogged duct this month that thankfully did not turn into another case of mastitis!) and  due to the fact that I was just starving and scared to eat anything because I thought it would hurt your gut more. But then I realized that even with a hypoallergenic formula, you might react. So we kept trying. Then my supply started to get low and I went another route. I pulled the "safe" foods... rice, turkey, olive oil and sweet potatoes- the foods I'd been living on. I replaced them with other safe foods- quinoa, fish, hemp oil and root vegetables (excluding sweet potatoes) and CRAZY ENOUGH this seems to be working... or at least it is better to the point where I can eat a lot or at least enough to keep my supply up. We've seen more yellow lately than we ever have before so we'll just keep going on this route and see what happens. I'm not sure if it's the food or if your gut is just maturing more.

I feel sort of silly that we've been so stressed about the green poop because YOU ARE HAPPY. You are growing. Hell, you are THRIVING. If I'm truly following my "mom instinct" my gut tells me that, yeah, you have green poops but they don't seem to bother you so at what point do we just try to work with it and make it better while at the same time just shrugging and saying, "well, he has green poops today?" When everything else is so good, GREAT even and you are developing exactly like you are supposed to, I feel a little ridiculous to spend so much time obsessing over the color of your crap. So, onward...

You have gotten so expressive this month and have really started to recognize who is who. You often make faces at us like this when we make funny noises at you.

You also seem like you are starting to try to figure out this big world... you ponder what is going on and you can tell your brain is just working away at figuring it all out. You aren't totally there yet but some things are definitely starting to click.

I have to say that the best part of this month is that you've started to smile. Despite the lack of sleeps, the green poops, and the lingering boobie issues, you SMILE intentionally at us. Oh, and you coo. You make these noises and these weird movements with your tongue as you try to "talk" to us. That right there makes all of the yuck melt away and makes me realize that I would do anything for you. 

We've really fallen in to a routine this month and after feeling like the most ignorant mom in the world in your first month, I've realized that it doesn't matter. Because I could follow every book or pro advice to the last letter and it DOESN'T matter. Some things may work (and surprisingly have worked) but some things may not. In the end, YOU are making it and are alive, healthy, and happy despite the fact that some days I don't know what I'm doing and some days I think I could conquer the world because I'm such a rockstar mom. Day by day we're figuring it out together and I figure if you're smiling at me as much as you do, I must be doing something right.

And here's the part where I get all sappy and someday when you read this you will roll your eyes at your silly mom....I knew I loved you when you were born but since then, I've only fallen more in love with you...it's ever changing as I get to know you more and more. You don't quite realize your impact yet, but you have made us whole. You've made us a complete family and you've changed me (ask your dad, this is no small feat!) You've turned me in to a mom... someone who cries when you cry, hurts when you hurt, and will do anything to protect you. I've never felt quite like that before but I know without a doubt that I will always be here for you with open arms when you need to run in to them- whether you are happy or sad or just need a hand to hold. Your little personality is starting to emerge and while I love the little baby that you are, I sometimes yearn to see who you are going to become (just don't grow up TOO fast). You have brought us all together- I feel closer to my parents now because I see a side of them I hadn't seen before. I think that you've brought us closer to your brothers as you are a link between the family that we were and the family that we are now. You've enriched your dad and my relationship in too many ways to even get in to here (let's just say that you learn how much you really love another person when you see them at their worst after no sleep and your millionth night in a row of being up at 2am!) That's a lot for a little guy to have already accomplished in a short time. You've brought so much joy to our lives and we love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend.

Love,

your mama