17 weeks.

Well, here we are. Welcome 17 weeks. Let's just get right to it, shall we?

The belly picture at 17 weeks. POP! Those true religion jeans are pre preggo jeans and were definitely worn with a bella band. Pregnancy jeans are in my not so distant future...

One more angle. Still trying to decide which angle I like better so you get both (aren't you lucky?!)

And 16 weeks for comparison.

How I'm feeling?

Blah. and blah. and blah. Over it. People who enjoy being pregnant deserve a good slapping. Apparently I'm feeling rather grouchy this week. It's the first week where I've decided that I very much dislike being pregnant. Perhaps part of that (all of it) is because OH HAIL, the SICKNESS has returned...and in full force. I am at its mercy and IT SUCKS. So I'm just going to whine about it. It would be ok if I had no expectation that it was going to be gone but I did. Everyone said, at 13 weeks, you're GOLDEN. You'll feel 100%, full of energy and like you aren't even pregnant. I felt that for about 2 weeks, sort of, and now I just feel fat and terrible and sick...I would dare to say even WORSE than the first trimester. Oh yeah, and add on a daily headache (from apparently the excess blood in my body) and hipaches (from your hips trying to loosen/expand) and you've got yourself one bitchy girl on your hands. A girl who had not one but TWO hormonal breakdowns this week (my poor husband....) I am fully confident that this is just a weird week and next week I'll go back to liking pregnancy.

I continued to work out this week (ran and lifted weights monday/friday, walked Sunday). I also ran a longer run of 4 miles on Wednesday and walked 2 miles after that run. I thought it was awesome and I felt great right afterwards but then my body kicked its own ass for the torture I made it go through in those 4 miles. It honestly felt great while I was doing it- a little weird, but not bad in the slightest. HOWEVER. Afterwards, my hips, as a result of the loosening so they can expand/prepare for birth (they call it "round ligament pain" and it's really common in the 2nd trimester), decided to feel like they were 80 years old and I could barely walk. Also, I burned too many calories I think and didn't eat enough quick enough afterwards so I had a HUGE hormonal crash. Lesson learned. Eat more and stretch more. We'll see how long this kid lets me continue to run... I'm hoping to run through the whole pregnancy but we'll see. Obviously I will stop if it starts to feel bad.

How I'm changing?

Well, I continue to grow. The one thing I noticed this week is that my boobs have not stopped growing. It is just incredible. As a small chested person normally, this is just fascinating to me. I literally have gone from a B cup to probably a full D. I have never had a chest like this IN MY LIFE. It's sort of like I'm experiencing a preview of what a boob job would be like... I'm not sure I'm a total fan. I mean, they're sort of intriguing but I liked being small chested. Call me weird but my small ta-tas served me just fine... and it hurt way less to run with less bouncing around up there. Also, my stomach continues to grow, as does my ass. All part of the process, I guess. My hair and skin still need to catch up to the whole pregnancy glow/growth thing. I noticed this week that my nails took off so I'm hoping my hair and skin start to get the clue. My hair girl did tell me my hair felt much thicker so maybe that's a start!  

What I'm eating?

No eggs, no raw vegetables, and no tomatoes.  I've been turned off from raw vegetables the whole pregnancy with one exception: baby carrots. This week, the little turtle inside of me decided that carrots were NO BUENO. I literally gagged at the sight of them. It was quite unfortunate and really annoying as I typically could live on carrots. Instead this week, this turbo wanted carbs (of course, what's new) and more carbs. I developed an affinity for pita sandwiches with hummus and veggies (which were surprisingly ok in the sandwich so I'll take it). I think I ate one of these a day all week. One of my hormonal breakdowns this week centered on the fact that absolutely everything in the world sounded revolting and like it could make me just hurl all over. Of course, the issue was that I NEEDED to eat (thus the hormone crash) so it was really quite the unpleasant conundrum. Toast every morning is still my go-to. OOH! And I discovered something else that is quite amazing and that was perfect this week- apple cinnamon cheerios. SO GOOD. Carbs are basically the only acceptable food group for me right now while everything else remains vile. I'm just trying to eat what I can at this point. I feel like I regressed back to week 8.

Weight I'm gaining? 

I officially hit The Mark. The "I weigh more than I ever have in my life" mark. 129 pounds. And rising. That means I have gained a grand total of 14 pounds (average right now is about 10-15) which is right on target, especially since I started out small. The number on the scale still really trips me out but it will all come off.

How I'm sleeping? 

Not too bad... really can't complain about anything here. I think I sleep mostly on my side for now although I've noticed I wake up a lot on my back. I've heard you really aren't supposed to sleep on your back (or stomach) but I've also heard that your body will shift you around if something is not right in those positions so I'm not too worried about it.

What's the baby doing?

-The baby is 5.1 inches long and about the size of an onion (seriously what is with the fruit/vegetable references for baby size? It cracks me up).

-The baby has mastered swallowing, sucking, and blinking and may have hiccups

-The baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone and the umbilical cord is growing stronger and thicker

-Fat and sweat glands are forming underneath the baby's skin and will continue to do so until the later months of pregnancy to help prepare your baby for the temperature change from inside the womb to outside

What we are doing to prepare for the baby?

We decided definitely on hypnobirthing classes. It sounds weird and it sounds like you get hypnotized for the birthing process but the name is misleading. It's actually a way to focus and relax during natural childbirth. It came highly recommended as a complement to our natural childbirthing class. I compare it to yoga... where you learn to really use the power of your mind to control your body and manage pain. We start the classes this week so it should be interesting! Other than that, we really haven't done a whole lot. Pretty low key week on this front.  

Random thoughts on pregnancy (pregnancy brain?)

This week I sort of freaked out about the whole HAVING a baby thing. Not like giving birth to a baby but actually having a little person around that is solely dependent on us, and specifically, on me. I keep hearing horror stories about how awful the first 6 weeks with a newborn is- from screaming, attempting to breastfeed, trying to sleep (and not), trying to get a schedule, attempting to maintain your relationship in your marriage, to tracking poop/pee/feedings 24-7 and having zero time for anything else, to post partum depression. I think about that and it truly does freak me out because I honestly have NO CLUE what I am in for. I make light of it a lot because I really have no experience with babies (and even less experience with newborns) but when it comes down to it, it does terrify me even though rationally I know it is an incredibly short period of time in the grand scheme.

But right now, I worry. I don't know what to do with a baby and I don't know what it's going to be like. I WANT to feel so incredibly in love with him/her and to have this great experience breastfeeding and live in this oh so happy sunny "we just had a baby world" but the reality is that it sounds like it is going to be a struggle to maintain sanity between lack of sleep, trying to take care of an infant and just trying to figure out how things "really" are versus everything you thought they would be.

I guess what I'm struggling with this week is that I just need to come to peace with it all and just let it go (easier said than done as I am a type A planner)... but, I do. I need to forget and throw out what everyone is telling me from THEIR experiences because those will not be mine or ours. And forget about my expectations of how things SHOULD go based on my vision of how having a baby should be (which is limited since, again, I have no clue). I just need to take a step back, breathe, let all the expectations and fears go and just embrace whatever happens to US. At the end of it all, we will have a baby, a new member of our family, a little turbo that is the representation of Justin and I. I think one expectation that I do have that will hold true (or has to, otherwise, why would anyone have kids?) is that all of the yucky parts are 100% overshadowed by the pure miracle that having a kid brings.