Some insight.

One of my friends and I were talking earlier today... about life and love and everything in between. A lot of yuck has happened over the course of the couple of years but I'm in such a good place now, it almost seems worth it. Almost. AND NO, once again, I do not disclose everything on this blog. Crazy enough there are reasons for that.

I can say with certainty that I have no regrets for any of the decisions I've made and this road I've been down has led me to the place I am now... a place I've been very quiet about only because I seem to have thought I'd found it before everything kind of went to hell but then it did and AH CRAP, really? It sucked, I cried, I moved on, I found myself in the process, and somehow it wasn't all THAT bad. I mean, perhaps it was really never meant to be? We made it through that madness and stumbled into this somehow. AND WHAT? THIS came out of nowhere. This boy, that boy, my friend for a good long while, a friend who was angry with me and supported me and laughed with me, and also gave me a great ass in the process...BUT WHAT? I love him? He loves me? How did this happen?

And this is when sometimes we just shake our heads at each other and marvel at what we're feeling and say, "this is crazy." How did we go this long in our lives never knowing what this SHOULD feel like?

And it's young, granted, but it feels old. It's comfortable. It feels like I'm right where I was always supposed to be and I'm not fighting anything, compromising nothing. Is it really supposed to be this EASY? Everything feels different and has completely jumbled the way any of my perception of relationships ever were because HOLY CRAP, WHAT? This is crazy. And at the end of the day, I'm left wondering if I really had felt it before...or if I just wanted to feel it so convinced myself that I was. Because, before? Wasn't quite like this. Wasn't so safe, so warm, so, WOW, this is what this is? I've been missing THIS? Are you KIDDING ME?

And apparently it's so prevalent, that other people have seen it too, this change in me. So my friend, she tells me this, which seemed so infinitely simple, yet so infinitely wise and so completely spot on:

"Love should always come first. It is the beginning of and the reason for everything. You have it, you show it, I have never seen you so blissfully in tune with yourself, your life, and your future. And crazy enough, when it's supposed to be, it just IS. There's no questions. I've found it, I'm glad to see you finally have too. THIS is what I've been telling you about. Love."

Yes, I agree.