The thanksgiving that almost wasn't.

I can't believe I forgot to post about this in my Thanksgiving post. As I was going through my phone, I stumbled across the photos and was all, OH RIIIGHT. THAT.

To preface: I have always been one to try to hop on the healthy bandwagon. You know the whole eliminating "crap" thing... eating well, not eating the fake stuff (like trans fats), trying to use products that don't have a lot of fake stuff- from laundry detergent to deodorant, to cleaning products.

I hadn't really given much thought to candles until the day before thanksgiving when my brother and I were in whole foods and I realized that I did need candles to burn in the bathroom on Thanksgiving. Need might not be the appropriate word but I wanted candles to burn in the bathroom. I like having candles burning. They (generally) smell good.

I saw these cute little candles in the aisles of whole foods and thought, "Hmm. "Natural" candles and they match the color scheme AND they smell good." SOLD.

The next day, I lit them around 1pm and sometime around 2:30 pm or so, I just happened to be going pee when all of a sudden "WHOOOOSH crackle crackle WHOOOSH" I look over and I.KID.YOU.NOT there was about an 1 foot flame coming out of one of these "cute" natural candles that was threatening to take over the hand towel directly above it. (And also, REALLY? After only an hour and a half MAYBE two hours of being lit??)

I did not know I was capable of stopping a stream of pee so efficiently. Perhaps being scared shitless does that to you.

Related: I have a weird phobia of fire. Always have. Used to have nightmares about fire and burning down houses. Weird as I have never been in a fire but something has always left me traumatized and fearful of being in a fire.

So: being scared shitless because you have a fear of burning down a house someday makes you able to stop peeing abruptly when you really had to pee.

I screamed, splashed water all over the erupting candle, and Justin came running in to his crazy wife freaking out with her pants around her ankles, pee still in the toilet, and flailing water all over. Until he saw the candle and he was all, "Holy SHIT what happened?" It ended up, thankfully, being quite the funny situation. He probably should have taken a picture of me... but, clearly, it was too chaotic at the moment to think about that (also, sidenote: when something crazy or bad or unreal happens, how DO people think, "Man, I should snap a shot right now?" The twin towers is a good example. I would have just been freaking the EFF OUT but many people took pictures that day... Perhaps why I am not a photographer).

I still have no idea what happened with our little candle that blew. The other candle did not blow up but I did light it at a later date to find out that the glass gets REALLY hot so it probably would have eventually.

Lessons learned: 1) Thank god I had to pee when I did and 2) Don't buy natural candles, specifically the Pacifica brand and 3) I definitely still have a fire phobia and 4) If ever in crisis on a toilet, I will be able to maintain control of my bladder (good to know?)

Photos for evidence: