The circle of life.

One of the reasons that we had originally decided on getting married so soon (see our joint/wedding blog here, where we also briefly discussed when we are getting married) was so that Justin's grandpa would be able to make it. He has been pretty sick for a while now, ok, for the past ten years (I'm told). However, we were really hoping that he'd tough it out for another four months. Unfortunately he started to go down hill very rapidly at the end of April. We saw him one last time on the 17th of April but he passed away on the 21st of April, at night. We woke up the next morning to the news and spent that Friday with Justin's family. I obviously didn't know his grandpa very well, having only known him for a short while, but I knew him well enough to know that:

1) He was a man that had lived a very full life

2) He died surrounded by people that loved him

3) He was HILARIOUS (even in those last few days when we saw him- he still made us laugh with his wit)

4) His integrity, honesty, and general goodness for people and life will live on through many people, most importantly to me- his grandson, Justin, who radiates these qualities to everyone around him.  

Justin's grandpa was lucky enough to be able to have in-home care for the last part of his life so he died peacefully at home. Here are Justins mom (left), aunt, and Justin hanging out in grandpa's room before the service arrived to take the hospital bed away.

Justin and I. We spent the afternoon at Justin's grandparents house talking about his grandpa... there was some crying, some laughing, even some mimosas. It was very therapeutic, I think, for everyone there (and not just the mimosas).

Later that evening, Justin's mom, Justin and I drove to Seattle to eat sushi. It felt a little weird continuing to do "normal" things having the weight of death and mortality on our shoulders. But, life does go on and I think that us being out, having a drink, talking and nibbling on sushi was just another part of the healing process. (OH side note, while at sushi, we saw the most drunk person I have maybe ever seen in my whole life on the streets of Seattle from our window seat at the bar... he literally fell flat ON HIS FACE no less than five times. THEN, he was passed out drunk in the middle of the sidewalk. Someone obviously called the fireman and MIRACULOUSLY, he propped himself up against the wall to avoid getting taken away by them. How he possibly had a coherent conversation, I do not know. And literally 5 seconds after they turned the corner and left? He fell flat on his face again. It was really sort of sad... and it was only 5pm!)

Anyway, tangent over....

I don't know that I've ever really talked about it here but my first sort of touch of death was when I was 5 and my grandpa died. I don't really count that and I don't remember it a whole lot other than going to the hospital with him for chemo and seeing him at home when he was very sick. I also remember my mom telling me to go tell my 2 year old brother (who was in his crib) that my grandpa had passed. I remember telling my brother and saying "BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS" and my brother laughed and jumped up and down in his crib and I patted him on the head and played with him and did things that little girls and big sisters do. I ran back out as they were taking the body away and everyone was sad and as a 5 year old girl that thought that everyone lived forever and ever and ever (you know, until like THIRTY which was ANCIENT at the time), I just didn't understand it.

My next experience with death was truly more real. I was in college at Graceland, it was the end of February and I got a call from my mom that my uncle was very sick. He'd been very sick for most of my teenage years so this wasn't really abnormal. A few days later I was told that my uncle was flying in from California and everyone was at the hospital. A day or so later, he passed away. Tim and I drove from Graceland to Kansas City where we headed to Springfield, Missouri for the funeral (where my mom and her family grew up). My dad, my brother, Tim and I all stayed together in Springfield and, really, regardless of the reason we were there, it was really special. We played cards, we stayed up late, we laughed A LOT. I think there's something about dealing with death and dying that makes you realize that hey, life isn't so bad and everything becomes that much more funny because you realize that all the serious shit really isn't so serious. We went to the funeral and it was tough. It was the first time in my life I'd really seen a dead PERSON and felt a dead person and it was weird. I was pretty weirded out about it for a long time after the funeral. I guess part of my little 5 year old self hadn't completely gotten rid of its innocence and I still thought that mortality wouldn't ever happen or effect me. NEWS FLASH.

I guess why I'm sharing that is that all of MY experiences were sort of brought to the surface again as I was there for Justin as he was really dealing with death for the first time. I can totally relate to how he felt and it SUCKS. It makes you realize the importance of life, and really, the circle of life. Moments like these always help to put things into perspective and although after some time that perspective seems to fade a bit as "real" life takes over again, it's good to have for a little while- to hug your loved ones a little bit closer, to cherish all of the good things in life, and to truly enjoy each and every moment. That's what this ride of life is all about, right?

See Justin's grandpa's obituary here. He was a special man and will be truly missed.