Scratching. Like. A. F-ing. Dog. Or worse.

I am scratching every piece of skin off of my body. Literally.

I need someone to come tie my hands together. And then please just rip every little bit of skin off my body so it STOPS ITCHING. Trust me, it won't hurt. It is numb to hurting after being red and inflamed from being scratched so much.

I have perpetually dry skin. Always have had it. Which I somehow neglected to forget about in between Iowa and Washington. You would have expected that I would have had dry skin in Phoenix but nope, in Phoenix I thought it would be fun to spend my time trying to give myself skin cancer (aka tanning non stop... probably not funny if I ever do get skin cancer...) so for whatever reason my skin was somewhat moisturized there.

Here I have no freckles after 3 years of freckles and am so white that sometimes I scare myself especially when I wake up and it's dark and my skin is glowing. It's that white.

And my skin is. so. DRY! It's not even flaky dry. Just dry as in it freaking itches.

It just started 3 days ago but please look back at my last post (aka... I have no life but work). I haven't had much time to even go to the grocery store. How would I make it to buy specialty lotion!? So for three days I have been itching my skin off, then taking scalding showers (which actually do hurt) to try to make. the. madness. stop. It would all be solved if I just took the time to go even just to Walgreens and buy just a bottle of like Jergen's or something with the title of "For super, super, super, super dry skin. Even works on reptiles." I know there is something I used to buy like that. But that was also in Iowa and things are generally a little bit off in Iowa.

The worst part about it is the itching in public. I mean, I have SO. MUCH. of my yummy smelling lotion on. But do I really want to go through a whole bottle of not exactly cheap lotion in oh, a day? Not really. I almost did today (which is how I know how much I used). But even with all of that lotion, about halfway through the day, I. am. dying. I am sitting there talking with my client and for anyone who has ever dealt with a perpetual itch or dry skin issue, do you even KNOW how hard it is to not itch? But you can't just DO that. Come on! You run to the bathroom, itch the hell out of your leg, arm, whatever, and then glob about 2 gallons more of lotion on. Only to repeat the process in an hour.

I think tomorrow this has to end. My skin is no longer white but red. And I am driving myself insane. Either I'm going to Walgreens or I am hiring someone to tie my hands together. But then, since apparently I need to work, I guess the Walgreens route is probably more efficient... I don't know how my client would feel about me arriving in handcuffs or tied up tomorrow, either. Actually they would probably get a kick out of that. An auditor all tied up? I'm sure that most clients may have had vivid dreams at some point about tying down the auditors... especially for the week out of the year where we make their life a not so pleasant experience.