Last weekend my Seattle man flew in to help me move. We got the moving truck early Sunday morning, packed up my stuff, and he was on the road by himself-with all of my stuff- by 2pm that same day. [And, as a side note, he then drove the next 25 hours straight up to Seattle. Yes, I just gave an example of craziness in its finest form. But, I must also mention that it was the sweetest thing ever because now 1) My stuff is up in WA 2) My stuff is unpacked 3) Now we can travel up the beautiful coast of California and Oregon over the course of 4-5 days starting May 31 without worrying about being in a huge truck that is towing my car. I am a lucky girl. ]
After we got the moving truck, I led us home so that we could start loading the truck. The most bizarre thing happened: I started crying and I'm pretty sure I only stopped for a few brief periods throughout the day until I went to bed Sunday night. It was completely unrelated to hormones and more related to the fact that all of a sudden all of THIS- these huge, huge life changes- was reality, as evidenced by the mostly empty house. I was crying but I was both happy and sad. Sad to be leaving this place, happy to be going to a new place. Sad for some of the changes that occurred while I as in Phoenix, happy for the people that I've met and who I am today.
Tomorrow is my last day at work in Phoenix and I'm feeling sort of the same way. Happy and sad and it's unclear which emotion is more dominant. I'm mostly happy but still sad to be leaving the place that is familiar to me, the place that I know. Regardless of how exciting and fun it is to go to a new place, it is always somewhat intimidating to start over completely from scratch.
But next week, on Wednesday night, I will be driving west on the 10 and out of this place that is home to me, on my way to another place that will become home to me over time. It's a strange. That's really all I need to say is it is just flat out strange. Almost incomprehensible. It's so funny how things do or don't work out. And many people may not understand me or agree with decisions I've made in my life-particularly in the past few years, but the thing is that the future works out in a way that is perfect. Now is the future of my past and things have fallen into place in a way that I never in a million years would have expected but looking back I know I will say without a shadow of a doubt that it couldn't have worked out more perfectly. I am happy and I am at a place where I feel is right, where I am content.
The one thing that I am a firm believer of is that with anything in life, all you need is love- love for your work, your family, your spouse, yourself. You need a love and passion for all things- the kind of feeling that creates joy, that completes you, that makes you feel whole. It's a joy and a feeling that can never be asked to be anything more than it is and you know when you find it. The paradox is that what it is, is beyond imagining- it is real, true, and more powerful than anything else that exists in this world. I have never felt so sure of anything in my life and know that I am on my way to getting to this place of complete, utter joy. It doesn't mean that I am not sad to be leaving here (I most definitely am-I know I will cry even more in the next few days) but it means that I know that even though I don't know exactly what the future will be like in the place where I am going, I am making the decision that's right for me at this time in my life, and as a result, the future will work itself out in a way that is undeniably perfect.
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